Hello - am separating and feeling a bit bruised

Hi

My husband and I decided to separate in January after six years. We have been together since the age of 17 and married at 19. We'd ha a few problems for a few years, culminating in my asking for a separation in April 2008, but we found it too hard and tried to make things work after an immensely emotional scene. Then in January, my husband came to me and asked for a divorce, almost out of the blue. I was very shocked, but we have remained very amicable, living together while I try to find a job and sort out somewhere to live. We are still very friendly, and in some ways he's still my best friend.

The only problem that has occured has been since last week. He has been msn - ing a great deal, getting lifts home from a specific girl at work, sitting outside the house in her car for hours and last week, turned to me and said "This girls boyfriend broke into her msn account and found some messages which are a bit inappropriate; so he might ring up. Can you tell him i'm not here?" I was very upset; and surprised at how upset I was. Although I was dealing with the separation relatively well, this situation is really troubling me, and I hate it, because it feels as I'm being deeply unreasonable. I know I have no right to be upset that he has a female friend - and he insists that she's just a friend - but I can't help but feel that he's being a bit insensitive.

Also because of my age, none of my friends are in the same sitution, and I just feel really lonely. I'm moving out next week, and am dreading the thought of moving out on my own, having to look for work, and I know I'm going to miss my ex loads. I don't feel as if I can stop being flippant and making jokes about the situation to my friends, as I know they're sick of my whining by now!

Sorry to ramble on - if you actually finished this, thanks for reading. If there's anyone out there in a similar position I would love to hear from you, especially people in their mid twenties who are divorcing. Sorry that sounds a bit insensitive.

kittenboo

Hi Kittenboo

I am sorry to hear about your situation, it must be very tricky for you juggling all of those different emotions at the moment.

If you do this now, it will lay the path open for him to do the same if he needs to again. Please ask yourself if that is how you want this to go.

I would say let him take responsibility for himself and what he gets involved in, he will learn quicker and you will be doing him a favour in the long run.

Take good care of yourself kittenboo

Hey 79firstwhen

Thank you so much for your advice. It really is very appreciated. I'm so sorry to hear of your own troubles.

I've taken on board what you've said. Luckily the girl's boyfriend never rang in the end so I didn't have to cover for my x, but he continues to msn this girl for hours on end. His viewpoint of this is that this girl is a friend that he wants to talk to, and that if I'm upsetting myself with my illogical misinterpretations, that's my fault, I have to deal with it in a logical way without making a fuss, and I have no right to upset him by making out that he's a bad guy. As I've said to him, I don't mean to be crazy about it, but he is hurting my feelings. His response is just that I should control my feelings better - which is true and pretty unanswerable!

The thing is, my x really is a good guy, and I shouldn't really complain because he's treated me really well over the years and even now really is being thoroughly decent over money and stuff. I'm leaving our home completely in two days, and I think I'm just feeling insecure because of that.

None of that was much of a reply. I'm sorry. I guess I'm just venting.

Thanks again, though.