my head is spinning!!

Well, i have finally done it and after 25 years and 4 children later, i have said that i am unhappy and not in love. That was so hard and now i am staying in a bedsit (i work away) feeling really low.
When do i tell the children? has she alllready told them?? Does she realise that i mean it and am determined to go along this path. I am so scared that i am hurting everyone around me. My parents will be devastated yet i am hiding away. I need the courage to stand up for myself.
I just dont know what to do.

You have already done the most difficult thing and told you partner how you feel. If you are determined to go through with your feelings you must focus on that. One of the most important things that I was told during my divorce was dont worry about things that you cannot change only those that you can. If your wife has already spoken to your children dont worry about that talk to them and let them know your feelings too, its a long road ahead but a website that I wish I had seen during mine was the Divorce Aid website it helps you understand how your partner, children etc are feeling and how you should try to conduct yourself to save them and what reassurance you should give your kids etc. Its no easy path that you are now on but you must concentrate on what you want for your future happiness and work towards that.

words of wisdom there. i understand what you are saying, its just geting them to realise that i am serious and i dont need discussions about wether we can make a go of it. I want tout without seeing the pain i am giving to all my family/

Hi there

my view is that after 25 years and 4 children together you both need a chance to discuss fully the implications of a split .

This affects your whole family and will do for years to come ..

You do need the courage , the courage to face your wife and family and discuss how best you can all move on now .

good luck

shiny

You cannot avoid pain, either for yourself or anyone else. You can only try to minimise it.

If your parents have no inkling of what has been going on they may be very shocked - indeed even if they are aware you have been unhappy they will probably still be shocked.

but you have made the decision and they will want you and your children to be happy.

There's a long road ahead. you need to stay strong but trying to avoid pain won't work, it will just prolong the agony.

If your wife hasn't told the children I suggest you sit down with her and them and tell them together and then tell your parents.

It won't be easy but putting it off will make it harder.

You cannot avoid pain, either for yourself or anyone else. You can only try to minimise it.

If your parents have no inkling of what has been going on they may be very shocked - indeed even if they are aware you have been unhappy they will probably still be shocked.

but you have made the decision and they will want you and your children to be happy.

There's a long road ahead. you need to stay strong but trying to avoid pain won't work, it will just prolong the agony.

If your wife hasn't told the children I suggest you sit down with her and them and tell them together and then tell your parents.

It won't be easy but putting it off will make it harder.

I thank you all for the advice.
I will leave it another week before going back and talking to the kids. Do you think i should prepare them first by indicating what i have done when i phone them.
I am finding this so hard and i know by running away and burying my head in the sand wont work. Why is life so hard!!!