Control Freak Won't Move Out or The Turning Worm

I have looked on here so many times and taken heaps of general advice and lots of comfort but now I think I need to ask for relevant experience.

Several months after me petitioning for UB H refuses to leave the house. I know he doesn't have to, and so does he. He knows that he should, but he won't, despite lots of advice to the contrary.

Despite withdrawing from the M on every level - and I mean every - and not wanting to be married to me - and showing it - for a very long time, since I petitioned he has behaved as though he is the innocent victim. He has rewritten history and is behaving as though I am breaking up a happy home for no good reason. He has serious control issues, has told me he doesn't love me and I have good reason to know that he was planning on doing this himself...but just not yet. Basically he is very hacked off that I got in first.

We have two great teenagers who are only just about weathering this but would prefer to move on now to the position we know we are all going to be in eventually. He has objected to my S of A but won't propose an alternative. He holds all the cards financially, thanks to some accounting shenanigans and is holding me to ransom - if I agree to all his terms, children and financial, he will move out. I won't be bullied so I have issued AR proceedings. I know this will cost so much more but at least will put a timetable on it all. I want the kids to maintain/improve their relationship with him but every day gets harder not to hate the way he is, and I don't think I'm very good at hiding that.

He is an emotional bully and a coward who won't communicate with me (I don't always agree with him, you see!) but now he has started intimidating one of the children to vent his frustration.

i just wish we could all move on and start over - any advice out there??

Currently waiting for the nisi hearing date.

Oh and how can you be married to someone for so long and not see this awful side? Or was I just temporarily blind? For nearly twenty years???

Hi Turn

Welcome to Wiki. It is a difficult situation and you are doing well in keeping your position and not let him bully you. you have to think what is best for you and your kids.

i dont think its about being blind...if you love a person you might try and justify aspects of their character...well i used to think love conquers all so it did not matter as long as we were in love.

you did the best you could for those 20 years. and people change....sometimes really fast. after separation many times i thought my husband was abducted by aliens and replaced by this hideous mean person.

hang in there!!
claudette

Yes I agree, it is really quite amazing how people suddenly morph into something unrecognisable from the person you married or lived with for years!!
Like your stbx mine is re-writing history too, to anyone that will listen, suddenly he's super dad and has been forever apparently You have to try and not pay attention to it although I appreciate it is very hard and wearing, people who know you well will not listen to him anyway. What can he say to them 'She's leaving me because I'm a tit and here I am proving her right'?!?!
You will never stop people forming their own opinions of the situation but as long as you are happy with how you're behaving you can hold your head up high can't you?
Very best of luck xx