JUST SEPARATED NEED ADVICE SURPRISE SURPRISE

Hi to all,

My marriage of 5 years has come to an end (been together for 10).We have two children 10 and 4, we have decided to separate and I have obviously moved out, seeing the kids as much as I can and looking after them at weekends or when she works at night time during the week.

I really do not have not a clue what to do now! I cannot carry on like this and want to move on and get my own place but I cant as Im still paying all the bills and mortgage.

Just looking for some sound advice from you people

Hi Big

welcome to wiki. it is a great place to find if passing through separation and divorce.
have a look round the forum - they will provide you alot of information - as well as the library on the site.
there is also the chat which you are most welcome too.

and there is a legal surgery Monday to Friday 6 to 8pm.

good luck

Welcome Bigwill, All the best you will definately find the support and advice you need

Good luck

M

Welcome to the Wiki community. This place is wonderful; helping us through this difficult time in our lives. Read the posts/blogs, keep writing and do come to chat. Take care of yourself.
Best wishes,
x

Bigwill

Firstly welcome to wiki.

I know your difficulty on many fronts, but will comment on 2 points:

moving out - it seems that you both work - what I did was to voluntarily find out how much the CSA says that I have to pay in child maintenance (20% of net salary) and to set up a standing order into her account.

We then discussed the fact that I'll be moving out (we have 2 young children) and that as the mortgage is in joint names, I shall from now on only pay 50% of the mortgage until the house is sold - on the day I moved out we read all the meters and got a settlement figure for water, gas elec, phone etc and paid those off. I took my name off all bills that from now on she has to carry as she has beneficial use of the house, and I have to pay rent etc elsewhere. I was the one who paid all the bills etc when we were married for 13 years - she had no idea how many sleepless nights I had worrying about things like this - now she can have the worry - it was her choice to split.

I don't know if this helps.

Children - my stbx also works odd shifts as she is in the emergency services - this plays complete havoc with childcare as she may be on night shifts or odd 10-10 shifts which means someone has to look after the children before or after school, nights etc. My stbx's solution was to get an aupair (it didn't work out as of yesterday), but it was her decision without consultation with me, so I'm not paying for the aupair. Also her mother plays a big role in looking after kids. At present I cannot accomodate the kids.

I know how difficult this shall be for you, but hopefully I've given you a few points to ponder, but above all make sure the children come first.

dd