Help - at the end of my tether!

Hi my name is Sophie and I am at my wits end. I am 44 years old and have been married to Andy since 2003. I have two children, Jake 22, and Sasha 18 from a previous marriage. We have struggled through hard times and have the battle scars to prove it. Andy was my knight in shining armour, honest, reliable, or so I thought. He moved into my home (council house) and we married and bought it from the council in 2005. Also in 2005 we set a company from home, me running the office and him doing the work (construction). Over the last few months with the recession, work has been thin on the ground and getting us both down. Since Christmas he has been very low, and I thought that it was this that was getting him down. Normally we communicate quite well and work through things together. On 17th February he came home early, broke down and said that he couldnt continue. I was completely taken aback by this. He said that he wanted to go and speak to my son Jake, who lives nearby. Jake and his girlfriend Linda are very close to both of us, and we have socialised regularly with them. He broke down, saying that it was all his fault and he had been a total shit and wanted to make things as easy as possible for me. They suggested that he move out temporarily (to give me space) and suggested that he stay at Linda's flat as she was virtually living with my son anyway. He happily agreed this as it would save additional expense on renting etc. We agreed to try and continue with the business for the time being, as money is an issue. After a couple of weeks of this situation, he contacted me saying that he needed to speak to me, but could I not speak to my son Jake until he had said his piece. He turned up at the house and said that he had met up with Linda and they had discovered that they had feelings for one and other! So, step dad with my son's girlfriend. She told my son and they co-habited at her place. I cannot believe the betrayal, and the fact that he has crossed the line as far as family are concerned. There is 17 years age difference between them. I went to see my accountant and he advised that I should resign from the company and give him the paperwork to sign to this effect, which I did. I also transferred money from the business account into my account to pay at least one months mortgage and the bills, as he left me with nothing. He has contacted me many times, and is very threatening. I ended up changing the locks to the house and contacted the police as he was trying to break in. I have no income, and the mortgage is in both of our names. I have contacted the benefits agency and applied for housing benefit to help me stay afloat until I manage to sort things out. He has contacted me by phone which I have ignored. Today he contacted me saying that I have to communicate with him otherwise he is going to get an injunction to enable him to move back in! I am utterly at my wits end, now all he wants is the house and possessions in it. Linda has ended it with him and he is now staying with his mother. I am trying to be strong for myself and my kids but its all getting too much.

Any advice would be appreciated.

Sophie

sophie, it sounds horrible, but you sound like your switched on and doing ok, dont worry. They use a lot of threats, just ignore them, its you that will end up with the injunction.
By rights you cant legally change the locks, but you need to probably do something legally given his new attitude.
Above all dont worry you will be ok.

Thank you. My solicitor seems to be a complete waste of time, and was the only one in the area that offered legal aid. I am trying not to worry too much, but i am struggling as constantly feel on edge, worried about leaving the house, not answering the phone etc. Feel like a prisoner in my own home (which may not be for much longer). I feel like my marriage has been a lie and I dont know the person I thought that I did and loved. Now that things arent going his way, he wants to totally destroy me.

Hi Sophie

I am so sorry to hear about your situation. It is incredible how your ex has behaved.

At the moment I can understand why you feel things are getting too much, try to take some deep breaths, relax, go for a walk when you feel like things are getting on top of you.

In order to get advice on the financial side you need to post up more information on both of your income, outgoings, assets and liabilities. There is a list of what information is needed in the financial section of this forum.

With regard to the maritial home, the bad news is that as its jointly owned he has right of access. I know this as I still live in our maritial home after my wife moved out to continue her affair. Whilst the maritial home is jointly owned your spouse has right of access unless you get a court order if they have been threatening.

In the short term I would try and communicate via text messages, ask him to inform you if he wants to come to the house and make sure you have someone there to support you. You say he wants the house, well remember in divorce that what someone wants and what they get are 2 different things. In terms of possessions do an inventory of valuable items and mark the items you want. You will ultimately have to split the possessions, but to be honest life is too short to argue over stuff like fridges and washing machines. If you indicate you want roughly half the possessions he can have the other half. Don't worry about trivial items......Although I remember I was gutted when I found my ex had taken the kitchen scales as I was in the middle of making a cake at the time, and went to weigh the flour and ......

Remember to use this site as much as you need, you will get support, advice, friendship, a laugh and more

Take care

S