Gay husband

Hi

I have been married to a gay husband for 17 years!, yes unbelievable I found out about 6 years ago but he does not know that I know. I stayed with him because we have three children and I need the financial support. My plan is/was to wait until the kids are independent, now they are 15 and 12. The problem is that he's really grumpy and I can't basically stand him. We never fight but almost never talk, have nothing in common. No sex of course. The kid do not particularly like him so a divorce would not affect them terribly. My two worries are:
1- the financial situation. I earn £ 40000 and he 24000, we have a mortgage to pay which is around 800 with the low interests at the moment, still 21 years left there.
2- We have no relatives in this country so if something happens to me what would happen to the kids. He is not particularly helpful

To be honest things go relatively smoothly most of the times, so I don't know if by starting a divorce thing will get worse but on the other hand I'm waisting my time and energy there. When he's not at home we all feel a lot better, the grumpiness with me and kids is the main problem to be honest. Well there is also the lying. Because I know he's gay I know that when he says he's out or so he'll be with his gay friends. Even went to a holiday with a partner. Because he does not know that I know he's not very careful

Hi Spyra,

Why not confront your husband to the fact that you know he is gay - as you said your children are older now? Why put up with his grumpiness -it cant be good for the children.

I would personally tell him i knew he was gay and then try and work towards away forward.


Good luck
Rainy

Hi Spyra

His grumpiness could be due to the fact that he is living a lie and is not following the life he wants to live.

I agree with rainy, i'd tell him that i knew and then maybe you both will be able to work out a way forward.

At the moment you are both just existing, you are not enjoying you're lives, you both deserve more than that and so do your children.

It may turn out that it will be a relief for him that it is out in the open.

Keep posting and call into chat, you'll get all the support you need.

Dawn x

I worked in a sexual health clinic for a while and was surprised by the amount of men who were married or in long term relationships and seeing men for sex, a lot of them did not consider themselves gay.
I can not believe that you have managed to keep going for so long knowing this secret.
Because the relationship isn't great I would be inclined to confront him. It sounds like you both need to move on to make you both happy. It is sad (although understandable) to stay together for just financial reasons, it is amazing how you manage on a lesser income when you have too.
Hope you find the strehgth to do what is best for you and your children, the fact that you have written on this site indicates that you have reached a point where you want some changes to happen.
Take care x

Hi Spyra

i am sorry to hear your story and in a way i can relate. my ex husband is a cross dresser. he told me a couple of months into the marriage. then in december 2008 he told me that he needs to go and find out where it will take him. there are soooo many issues to deal with besides the day to day stuff..it is very hard.

i would suggest that you talk to him about it and tell him that you know. and you are right. you deserve to have your own life, with your own peace of mind and u need to be happy.

it takes courage to make the decision but the well being emotional and otherwise of you and your kids has to come first.

i wish you luck, and if you even want to PM me to talk please feel free to do so.

take care
claudette x

Hi spyra.
Welcome & I hope you find the support you need.
I know you want to wait until they are older but are you living the kind of family lifestyle you want for your children?
They look to you both for how adult relationships work.
They must know something is not quite right if mum & dad never talk at home & also never go anywhere together?

You might be surprised if you look at some other people's profiles & blogs on here - You are not alone in your situation.