It made me laugh!

Here's another....

Chewing gum is illegal in Singapore...so you can't masticate there or masturbate in Indonesia....make sure u know where u are before starting either...

An old one but still good one..

THIS IS BEAUTIFUL!







The Duck &the Lawyer.........

A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural Georgia. He shot and
dropped a
bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence.

As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his
tractor and asked him what he was doing.

The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and
now
I'm going to retrieve it."

The old farmer replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming
over
here."

The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the
United States and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and
take
everything you own."

The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we
settle
disputes in Georgia. We settle small disagreements with the 'Three Kick
Rule'."

The lawyer asked, "What is the 'Three Kick Rule'?"

The Farmer replied, "Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, I get
to
go first. I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so
on
back and forth until someone gives up."

The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that
he
could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local
custom.

The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the

attorney.

His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel toed work boot intothe

lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees.

His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer's last meal gushing from
his
mouth.

The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer's third kick to his rear
end,
sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie.

The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his
feet.

Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, "Okay, you old
fart.
Now it's my turn."


The old farmer smiled and said, "Nah, I give up. You can have the duck."

Yet another old one...

A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her.

Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.

"Oh my, I am so sorry," the woman says as she pops her eye back in place.

"Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you," she says.

They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the theatre followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and

He shares his. She listens.

After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast. They had a wonderful, wonderful time.

The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed. Everything had been SO incredible!

"You know," he said, "you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?"

"No," she replies. . .

Wait for it. .

It's coming. .

The suspense is killing you, isn't it?

She says:

"You just happened to catch my eye."

V funny...

Monster

feels like first smile of the week

A Spanish teacher
was explaining to her class
that in Spanish, unlike English,
nouns are designated as either
masculine or feminine.

"House"
for instance,
is feminine:
"la casa."

"Pencil,"
however,
is masculine:
"el lapiz."

A student asked,
"What gender is 'computer'?"

Instead of giving the answer,
the teacher split the class into two groups,
male and female,
and asked them to decide
for themselves whether
"computer"
should be
a masculine or a feminine noun.

Each group was asked
to give four reasons
for its recommendation.

The men's group decided that
"computer"
should definitely be
of the feminine gender
("la computadora"),
because:
1. No one but their creator
understands their internal logic;

2. The native language
they use to communicate
with other computers is
incomprehensible to everyone else;

3. Even the smallest mistakes
are stored in long term memory
for possible later retrieval; and

4. As soon as you make
a commitment to one,
you find yourself spending
half your paycheck
on accessories for it.

(THIS GETS BETTER!)

The women's group,
however, concluded
that computers should be Masculine
("el computador"),
because:
1. In order to do anything
with them,
you have to turn them on;

2. They have a lot of data
but still can't think for themselves;

3. They are supposed
to help you solve problems,
but half the time
they ARE the problem; and

4. As soon as you commit to one,
you realize that if you
had waited a little longer,
you could have gotten
a better model.

The women won.

Someone out there either has too much
spare time or is deadly at Scrabble.
(Wait till you see the last one)!


DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM

PRESBYTERIAN:
When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER

ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER

DESPERATION:
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT

THE EYES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE

GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE

THE MORSE CODE :
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS

SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME

ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY

ELECTION RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES - LET'S RECOUNT

SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S

A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
IM A DOT IN PLACE

THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE

ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE

AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:

MOTHER-IN-LAW:
When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER

Yep! Someone with waaaaaaaaaaay
too much time on their hands! (Probably a son-in-law)