Guilt

Hi,
For those of you that have read my previous posts, you will know that I am one year from my STBX walking out on me with my 3 kids. Been a very tough year and things are starting to improve and our relationship is better, moreso for the sake of our kids.

I have the opportunity to go on holiday in February with a group of friends and a close friend of mine (female) has also agreed to join us.

It is to Sharm El Sheikh. I have never been and really excited about going. BUT I feel quilty. It was a place that my STBX and I always wanted to go to. It was always planned that when the kids were passed toddler age (at the age they are now really) we would save up and go. I have told the kids I am going and they were deeply disappointed that they weren''t. I am looking for a foreign holiday for next summer for me and the kids.

I know that we have seperate lives with the only link being the kids but my guilt has really kicked in. The children''s reaction hasn''t helped but I can make it up to them with a more exciting holiday next year. My STBX is aware as the kids have shared it with her. Didn''t ask them not to and nor would I. I have had to lie and say my dad is paying for it as part of his 70th birthday celebrations next year but I am paying for it myself. Money is fairly tight but I have from now until end of November to pay it all off.

I am taking the kids to Bournemouth for a week in the summer and their mum is taking them to a caravan park for a long weekend. She says that is all she can afford but I know in reality she can afford more. I shouldn''t feel guilty but I do.

You shouldn''t feel guilty at all. You need to do some thing s in life now for you to help you to heal.
As you said you will take the children somewhere as well and they are having a break with their mum.
My STBX has to leave States every three months but instead of seeing his children who he hadn''t seen since Xmas chose to takes his gf to Mexico for a week! Now that''s selfish.
You spend time with your children, you show them you love them and they will understand that daddy needs some fun time too.
So go and enjoy yourself, it will do you the world of good.
X

My initial reaction when reading your post is that given you wont be going away for another nine months I would have said nothing at all until much nearer to the departure date.
The reaction you received from your children was unfortunately the reaction you anticipated.

Guilt is a bad emotion. Not only is it useless and its a bit like cornflakes. Empty calories. It serves no purpose but to hold us back. Its stops us exploiting the here and now and in your case contaminates your future.

I would go. Why? Its always somewhere you wanted to go and if you dont go? You will always be wondering. So.... Dont let the past and guilt separate you from your future. Your future belongs to no one but you and your future.

Lastly... I have been loads of places I wanted to go when I was married and never was able to. All the more reason to go.

Marshy.