Hello...Where did it all go wrong?

Hi friends,

Just a quick question for you all, i''d be interested in the findings.

I read a newspaper article yesterday written by Amanda Platell in which she describes cringeworthy moments in her life when out of the blue, she has made contact with an ex (regardless of who finished the relationship), to ask how they were and establish where things went wrong?

The article was inspired by Adele''s new single (think it is called ''Hello'') and the song describes this scenario. In the article (Mail online, Dont judge me!), Ms Platell as well as describing her own experiences also declares that it is very much a ''female'' response and something most women have done, whilst blokes shudder at the idea?

Why? can she be right? Mars and Venus at work again, no doubt?

www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-33343...al-mistake-once.html

Take care everyone.

Love Stimo X

Hi
Not sure I would contact someone after it was sorted to ask, but probably would while still in regular contact. As for gender related, think probably more to do with personality. Now....sneaking a peek at Facebook to see what''s going on....that''s a different matter!

Hi Stimo,

Interesting article,and I suppose that I should not be surprised that it is mostly women,but why?

I am still in contact with Twonk,and mostly this is now civil(although this took a while) We are in a place now that,I can help him out with things such as paperwork etc,and he will always help me with anything I need doing in the house...Also we pooled our money for Xmas presents for our family..

This does not take away any of the hurt that he caused,but he has to live with the consequences of that daily,but it does make life a little more saner,although my eldest still refuses to see him...

I actually did have that thought whilst going through my tsunami,how could I possibly never speak to him again after being together over thirty years,to me it sounded unbearable...
Maybe I am in a place that I need to be in,hanging onto the hatred I felt served me no purpose,it would eventually have eaten away at me.Now I live the life the cards dealt me,and that''s fine,it''s an okay one:)

I know that everyone is different,but this is where I am,and hopefully will always be able to have some contact with him,albeit a different sort of contact...

Cwtchs
Afon Xx

I do find it very hard to except that the man I have spoken to just about every single day for 32 years may never speak to me again after he has finished sorting his affairs out. He makes no contact unless he wants something, only speaks to his adult children about once every 6 weeks. Yet when I have to see him in person, it is like he has just popped out to the shops. It breaks my heart that he can be so non plus about everything. The song makes me cry every time I hear it, but I guess thats because I care and he doesnt. As communication has never been his strong point I doubt that he would bother when everything is sorted. Im not sure its a male, female thing, i thinks its more of an emotional thing. You are either a caring person or your not.

The only meaningful long term relationship I''ve ever had is with my ex. We were together for 31 years when he upped and left, so it was very difficult to adjust to being without him, especially as he still came round to see our children and talked to me about his gf and her children as though they were of interest to me!

That was 7 years ago. He''s now left the gf, gone back to her, left her, got back together again, left her finally, had two short-term relationships and is currently with another woman, who he is very serious about. "I can really talk to her" he says, which is what he said about the first gf and what he used to say about me! I think this may also go tits up, but not my problem.

Now we are able to be civil. I''ve become tougher and he has had to adjust to the fact that I''m not just going to agree to everything the way he wants.
So we are beginning the divorce process at last. We''ve had some civil conversations about how to proceed.
But I don''t want to pick over the bones of what went wrong with him, mainly because I''ve realised that he just cannot see anything from anyone''s point of view except his own. He''s made his own narrative about it was fate he met the gf etc. to assuage his guilt that he left me. I''m cool with that. I have my own narrative about what went wrong, which I think is mainly that we weren''t able to communicate properly and he wasn''t capable of understanding how I felt. We''re not going to agree - if we could agree we''d probably still be together.

Hi Itsbeenalongtime (is that your real name?)

Thank you for your thoughts and opinion, but I think you''re wrong on a couple of things and hope you don''t mind if I tell you why.

''The song makes me cry every time I hear it, but I guess that''s because I care and he doesn''t''. That''s the question in the article surely, it''s not that he doesn''t care, its probably because he is a bloke and not wired to be as communicative as ''the fairer sex''? Therefore, it might not be his fault.
You went on to state ''You are either a caring person or you''re not''. With respect I think you are wrong again, I consider myself to be very caring (over caring sometimes!) but I would rather have every tooth pulled and eyes gouged out then receive a call and speak with my Ex! (Even though I will go to the grave still loving her).
So you see it''s not as simple as you think.

Take care
Stimo X

Emotions can never be simple. Like you say, you love her, yet you never want to see or hear from her again. How can that be love. I always thought love was unconditional. I have forgiven my stbx so many times, because I love him. He decides he doesnt want to be with me any more so he goes. No explaining, no sorry, just gone after 32 years. He manages to communicate to OW to get what he wants, nothing to do with being male/female. You cant hurt someone so much and expect to carry on a normal civilized conversation. As in the article, it appears that the injured parties rarely completely get over what has happened. There is no point in showing consideration months/years down the line, but as seen on here, it would appear that time does heal some of the wounds. Lets hope the New Year brings a new start to everyone that has had their heart broken.
All the best.