Confused.com...........

Perin,I read this and could not ignore,although my words will be of no significance...

Like the others have said,you have been through the mill,but you have survived it all.The decision you have to make,many of us have already been in your shoes,I tried it more than once..Phew...and whilst it would wonderful to fall in love again with the same person,we have to not forget what that person put us through also.We have to face the facts that someone in the marriage was not happy,and there had to have been fault on both sides..Heck I am a realist:(
So we reach the place your now at..
Why did he treat you badly?
Remember those feelings of emptiness and low self esteem...
So many questions and why why why...

So hun,you need answers before you can even contemplate going any further with this thought process...

Then you need answers to why he wants you now,has it all gone wrong for him,so he needs his safe haven ????

I am so sorry about my words,I would love to say, yes let him come back and you can live like "Little house on the prairie" but reality is not like that,you have to put yourself first,your thoughts and wishes come first,no matter what any of us say,this is all about you...not even him...


I so hope that you make the right decision for you,but whatever your decision is?

Be Happy:)

Cwtchs
Afon Xx

Bless you, you are not stupid.
People keep saying theres mistakes on both sides. Well my mistake, apart from putting on a little weight and getting older was I gave him my heart and soul. I allowed him to go off for days doing things he wanted to do, follow his hobbies, control our finances. I just worked hard, brought up the kids, cleaned his clothes, made his meals and believed his lies. Gave him the space he asked for, had my heart broken over and over again.
Take a step back, look at it like it was your best friend in this situation and think what you would be saying to her. Each situation is so personal to individuals that only you can decide. I allowed my stbx back, everyone told me I was mad but in my heart I knew I had to try everything before I gave up, otherwise how could I say I tried my hardest.
Give yourself a break and credit that you are giving him more head space than he probably deserves.
look after yourself. xx

You have to ask yourself...Do you honestly love him enough to take him back? Are you prepared to take a gamble? How are you going to cope if he breaks your heart again?
It is entirely up to you, its your life...just think rationally...and don''t let your heart rule your head.
Personally i wouldn''t do it, once a liar and cheat, always a liar and a cheat but that just my opinion.
Good Luck

Thank you all for your replies. I don''t think my ex is capable of waiting for me, giving us time for the dust to settle, he just wants it all to be right straight away. He admits he wants to be loved and hates being on his own.

So when he tells me I''m the love of his life and he adores me, but he''s seeing someone else because he''s miserable and lonely and didn''t think I wanted him, alarm bells should ring....

I think I know deep down that everything screams stay away, so why does it hurt so much.

I''m back to where I was 5 years ago, with ex telling our son about new woman and how lovely she is and she wants to meet him, she has a boat and it''s going to be great that they can all go on it etc... all this the same night he sat earlier with me, crying and telling me how much he loves me and always will.

Don''t wonder my head is mashed again.

Dear Heavens, now I wished I''d just posted my immediate response which was ''tell him No Way''.

More important however is the way you are feeling right now, and I have to say I think pretty much all of us on here would be feeling exactly the same. It isn''t that you have failed somehow to ''move on'' it is more indicative of the depth of love you are capable as a person of giving to another, and it is that that keeps you strong and lets you cope. Cherish your warm heart, and be proud of it, especially when it hurts so much. And still tell him to get off of your cloud xx

Thanks again for replies, so good to have my wiki friends to support me and tell me basically what I think I already know deep down.

Top and bottom is, I wanted him to prove himself to me without any prompts. I told him the other day it was like building a house. We needed to build up foundations first, then the house bit by bit till we reached the top. He had stormed in within days of leaving her and tried to whack it up instantly! So all where we had gone wrong originally, was still there and hadn''t been sorted.

So I resign myself to the fact that this really is for the best, too many negatives to re kindle anything.

Just wish I could have some closure and get him out of my head!

Thanks wiki xxxxxxx

Well it''s a bit hard to get him out of your head when he tells you he wants to come back, isn''t it?

But be strong now. He''s virtually said he needs to be with someone and it seems he isn''t fussy who as long as it is now.

He hurt you. I personally don''t think he can ever undo that hurt. But you don''t need to let him hurt you again.