Hit a raw nerve.

I''ll try to keep this brief, but isn''t it awful when you get a comment out of the blue that completely rocks you.

I was in a great mood earlier & having a pleasant evening until a friend made a comment. She was talking about a recent guy she''d dated who''d spent the whole night talking about his ex wife ''He was clearly not over his ex & still in love with her......''just like you are with your ex really!''

I felt like I''d been winded. In my opinion I''m doing really well. But Is it all an act & am I really not over him? I do still get affected by things that I hear about him, & the odd moment of sadness but does that mean I still love him? I''m now wondering if everyone thinks I''m pathetic & still pining for him?? Jeez why has that remark ruined my night? Is it because she''s right or is it because I''m horrified to think that anyone could think that?

All I know is that it made me tearful. I still think of him but not obsessively. I hardly cry any more. I like myself. I''m proud of the person that I''ve become. But am I pretending to the world I''m fine? Can everyone see through me & really am I denying how I feel? Do you ever really stop loving someone or do you just learn to live without them?
This is just late night rambling. I don''t expect anyone to be able to answer my questions. Just needed to get my thoughts out so I can sleep now. Weird how one remark can have such an impact on you.

Patsy,only you know the answer to that one.

There was a recent post on here about divorce,and I and a few others admitted that our Ex''s still had a part of us,not all the posters agreed,but I like yourself can only speak for ourselves...
Even though we are in a good place now,it does not mean we are complete,personally I will never be complete again because he has a part of me..
Still being in love though is something different,but you have to ask yourself that one,and be honest with yourself also...
Maybe we do learn to get used to living without them,I honestly think we do.Twonk was at mine today for a few hours,and before when he left I would get teary when he went,now I don''t,...

Off the cuff remarks can stop you in your tracks and suddenly make you think,my eldest made one to me last weekend,and if I am honest I am still mulling that one over,but that''s another story...but the point I want to make,
Do others see something we don''t?

I am sure your friends will not think you pathetic,why should they?

Another thing to remember,we can all put a mask on making out we are fine,we are all singing and dancing,sometimes its true,but just sometimes it''s a facade....and each and everyone of us is entitled to wear both ....

No advice hun at all sorry.
Cwtchs
Afon x

Hi, I have been separated too for a while and saw my stbx a month ago face to face. I looked at him and shook my head, in front of me was a man I''ve spent the best of 38 years with, a man I gave my life to and would have died for, the man I made a wonderful family with who was my lsoulmate, my life! Yet he chose to live with half of me! Without a care in the world to how I felt! Do I still love him? Where would it lead me if I said I did? He''s with someone else for gods sake, he chose her over me! His lies, betrayal and cheap tricks made me see the light. Who wants to live with that? I love my daughters and my two grandchildren, I love myself. Why do I have to torture myself thinking I still have feelings for him? He''s not thinking but of himself get it? My dignity, my self esteem demand I move on p, once I loved him yes but it''s past its sell by date because of the pain he''s caused us, his family. So please patsy don''t listen to anyone telling you who you love it''s not their remit, people say all things, stand up and be strong, so what if you still have feelings for him, you''re number one and you have your life to live and live it well, it''s no good dwelling and bringing back the pain and agony all the time, go out there and keep your head up high, like you I live in hope to meet a nice man in the future, a man with a heart.

Patsy, nobody walks in your shoes but you. Nobody but you knows how you really feel. However everyone will have their own opinion on ''you'' and ''your'' life.

Your friend probably didn''t realise the impact of that flippant remark but I really wouldn''t worry about it.

I would put the comment to bed and let it lie. She can''t see into your heart or mind. You are clearly doing ok as you felt fine - don''t let this small thing put doubts in there hun.

Keep smiling x

Well done for talking this one through. If she is a good friend she will still be thinking of how sad you were at the worst point in all this. The fact that you were so upset when you split, your friend probably thought you would never get over it. Unlike you noticing that things dont hurt like they used to. It is a journey that we take on our own. We make our own paths and gain strength from them. Only you know how you feel inside and just because you have down times doesn''t mean you are still in love, it just means there are many years of baggage to find a place to file it. When things like this dont upset you or you have the perfect reply, then you are truly over it, but that takes as long as it takes.
Keep going and as long as you keep talking things thorough you will get everything sorted. also remember that anything that worries or upsets you, there is probably someone on here going through or not understanding way they feel the way they do and reading some of these post will help them too.

I tried to post last night with a thank you for all the great advice, but I somehow deleted my whole post & it was too late to start again!

But I really am grateful for the replies. Thank you.

I''m still annoyed with my friend - it was like she fired a bullet and then fled. And she had no business to think she could possibly know how I feel.

I''m actually proud of the way I''ve dealt with my break up. There are loads of positive things that have come out of it and I honestly would not swap my life now for what I had before. But that doesn''t mean that I don''t still hurt sometimes.

I can categorically say that I am NOT in love with my ex any more, but there will always be a part of me that loves him and from time to time I still miss him. I''m human - I''m not a machine. Maybe I will never truly get over the agony of the awful betrayal and the contempt he showed for my feelings at the end of our marriage, but I''ve got over a lot of obstacles, lived through the pain, and learned how to cope with my new single life and being a single mum.

My friend doesn''t understand why I''m not in another relationship yet. Maybe that''s why she wrongly assumes that I''m still hung up on my ex. I have been out with some lovely guys but I''m just cautious and I''ve genuinely not met anyone who I''ve fallen for.

My friend is desperate for a man and can''t understand why I would turn a guy down. It doesn''t mean I haven''t moved on - it just means I''m happy on my own and in no rush to settle for something that''s not absolutely right. I see that as a positive not a negative.

One day I hope to be completely indifferent to any references to my ex and be able to breeze on by. But for now it still cuts me from time to time, but that will take as long as it takes.

Really hope that everything is a lot clearer because you have had to rationalize it to yourself, and thoughts from others means you will have covered it from all angles.
At the time, what your friend said was hurtful, but you now see it as her shortcomings not your own, which has got to be real progress.
No one can feel your pain, but some understand it better than others.
Keep going your are doing brilliantly.