Older "Children" have been persuaded to disown me.

Divorce (no other parties involved) meant that I had to move out of FMH and live in my car for 6 months then a further 12 months on friends floors, sofas etc. Now all sorted and I have a home of my own. However all 3 of our kids have been poisoned with money and promises of backup from my ex. My oldest (27) was told (when he was 12) that his mother (me) was mentally unstable because of a relationship which happened years before I met my ex. An impressionable age and he has never forgotten being told the "facts" he now refuses to have any contact with either of us. My 25 year old has an alcohol abuse problem and her father regularly takes her to the pub and has done for 7+ years. Friends have said that this is irresponsible (really?!?). My 19 year old has now told me that she wants nothing to do with me and I''m heartbroken. Ex has a new partner who does sound lovely - no sarcasm, she really does sound lovely and I have no problem with their relationship. However, I don''t know what to do about losing all 3 of my kids. I have backed away because it hurts too much to be rejected like this. Any advice from you at Wikivorce? Do I let them go and let them grow up without knowing the truth about the sexual abuse etc that I endured for 27 years? I don''t think they should be told the "truth" about their father because it will a) sound like I''m whining and b) I don''t think it''s appropriate as may ruin their relationship with their father and he''s been very generous to them over the years. My friends and family are furious with his behaviour but I don''t want to make things worse for the "kids". Anyone else had to deal with this? What do I do?

I have not been in this situation but it sounds grim.

You can''t make your children want to see you, but you can let them know you would like to do so.

You don''t have to rake up the past - those are your demons, not theirs.

But I would try to open channels of communication. Them not wanting contact may be a way of them trying to protect themselves from more hurt. It is not easy to try to be loyal to both parents when those parents aren''t together any more. From their point of view, they may have considered that as you left home, you abandoned them.

Time is a healer. Just do what you can so that when your children are ready to have contact they know there is an open door.

Good luck.

A mother never truly looses her kids. No matter good or bad that has been done. Mothers can be axe murderers and the kids will still seek them out. So no matter what you have done or not done in the fullness of time matters not one jot.

I would say nothing about their father. It will not do any good and its not what they want to hear. Maybe one day, if they approached you maybe for that information. But I wouldnt offer it. In fact I would remain silent about their father. Saying anything will sound like sour grapes. You dont need this kind of bad pub.

But.. It could take a while. But your kids will contact you again.

So this is what I suggest you do. Keep the door open. Do this by sending cards and maybe gifts etc at birthdays and xmas. I wouldnt try and ring them. What they have been told will have made an impression on them and you have to let the truth come out. Which it always does. In the end. But I would keep a photo copy of the cards you send and maybe a photo of the card and gift with todays newspaper as proof. Not that you need to do anything now about it. Just for the future. You never know.

I know this is awful. And you think that you will never see your kids again. But you will. After all, they are from you. Marshy.