EX WIFE PREGNANT AND I WANT HER BACK

I AM STARTING TO FEEL LIKE IM AN ODDBALL. I HAVE BEEN SEARCHING FOR ANSWER AND HAVNT SEEN MUCH ON THE SUBJECT. ME AND MY EX WIFE GOT DIVORCED BACK IN NOVEMBER OF 2014. I LET HER MOVE IN WITH ME MONTHS AFTER THE DIVORCE AND I CAUGHT HER TEXTING A GUY SHE WAS HAVING AN AFFAIR ON ME WITH BEFORE WE WERE DIVORCED. ONCE THAT HAPPENED SHE MOVED BACK TO HER GRANDPARENTS HOUSE AND STAYED THERE FOR A WHILE. SHE TRIED TO MOVE BACK IN WITH ME MONTHS LATER AND I SAID NO BECAUSE OF WHAT HAPPENED LAST TIME WE LIVED TOGETHER. WELL I NEVER WANTED THE DIVORCE. SHE WANTED IT. NOW LAST WEEK SHE CALLS ME AND TELLS ME SHE EXPECTING. SO FOR THE LAST WEEK IVE BEEN GOING THROUGH ALL KIND OF EMOTIONAL STUFF. I ALWAYS WANTED OUR FAMILY BACK TOGETHER. I ASKED HER IS SHE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH THE MAN THAT GOT HER PREGNANT, SHE TOLD ME NOT YET. I THINK THE DUDE IS PLAYING WITH HER HEAD. COME TO FIND OUT ITS THE GUY SHE WAS HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH. SHE NEVER TOLD ME WHO THE FATHER IS. HER GRANDMOTHER CONFIRMED IT BY NAME. WE HAVE 2 SONS AGES 5 & 9, I JUST WISH I COULD MAKE IT RIGHT, SHE SAYING IT IS TOO LATE SINCE SHE IS HAVING ANOTHER MANS CHILD, I NEED SOME INPUT ON HOW I SHOULD DEAL WITH THIS.

Welcome to wikivorce Fredmackbeatz. I can see that you are in a state of high anxiety, but please don''t post in capitals. It is considered to be shouting and it''s also quite difficult to read.

It''s natural for you to want the family back together and of course you want to make it right for your two young sons, but she has taken a step which makes it difficult to see how she can be back home with you and the boys if she doesn''t wish that.

Would that make it right for your boys? There would have to be a great deal of family therapy to even begin to put the family back together again. In the meantime you are their rock and the strong person in their young lives. You will make a huge difference to how they cope.

You will have to dig very deep to get you and the children through this. Let them know that you love them and that none of this is their fault.

I will start with ''''its your life and you must lead it as you wish''''

There are several points in your post that would cause me to question things.

Firstly in your mind you have a picture of your x that is very rosy. If you got back together you would find that she has changed. Many wiki members will tell you that after a split they hardly recognise the person they loved.

Secondly leopards rarely change their spots.
If a partner cheats once they will often cheat again. Do you really want to live your life in a situation where you wonder where they are or who they are with every second of the day? Many wikis have lived with the one strike and you are out principle. Others have found that if you forgive once then they will cheat again as they know their partner will forgive again and again.

Thirdly this is the 21st century. There are many ways your x could have stopped pregnancy. Obviously she did not care about your past relationship enough to basically take the precaution to stop the door being shut.

Next you have to stand back and look at the situation. Is there only one person in this world for you? Most divorced people have found that there are numerous people who tick the boxes as a suitable partner with whom you would have a happier life.
Why settle for one who disrespected you enough to cheat and have a baby by another man.

If your x came back there would be ulterior motives. It would be like you were not good enough initially and there was a better life elsewhere. But when the going got tough there was always you to fall back on. Do you want to be an option rather than the one they care for?
I for one will never be an option.

Don''t get me wrong. When things start to go wrong in a relationship most people will try and recover the ''magic'' of the early days. Even after an initial split people will still try to get back together.
I know that for the first few months I did and basically my x was just laughing at me behind my back.

Then hard as it was I stopped all communications whatsoever. Tough on the emotions...very.
Next was working on myself and my future.

The funny thing is that now I am a few years down the line I have made myself ''''attractive'''' to other people and I have given myself a high value (deserved or not)

I am not an option. I am not prepared to be second best. Older and wiser from my experience I sometimes meet my x but she is a stranger . I take one look and think ''''was I really in love with that'''' !!!!

At the moment you are not attractive. You are grovelling to your x and she can take advantage of that. Rediscover yourself and give yourself the value you deserve and you will find that the clouds go away and instead of your x having the option to return or not that you will have the option whether you want her back.

Hope this helps
Polar

I would like to apologize for writing my post in all caps, I was unaware that it be like I''m screaming. Thanks for the input you guys. I appreciate it. I ultimately believe that Im hurt that theres a new baby on the way and it is triggering emotions and feelings that I had buried so deep, they finally came out. I had my life all to myself, had my kids 3 or 4 days out the week and Had 3 nice jobs in the last few years. Ive personally been better financially and less stressed. I was relieved until this happened. I feel like an idiot because i know i shouldn''t really be thinking about getting back with her, but i do anyway. I also believe that it will be hard for me to see her with someone else and a baby. Right now I am focusing on my kids and work. I know I will get through this, A couple people I know told me that its a blessing and that I should be happy, she not my problem anymore.

We''ve all felt like screaming !!!!

As said you often don''t realise that you are better off without their problems. She is someone elses problem now and they are tied to her problems as well !!

Great . As you have found once clear of the problem you are free to rebuild your life in any direction you want.

Yep pangs come from time to time as we hanker for the past times that were good.
Then someone pokes us back to reality and you start remembering bad times.

Last time I saw my x I just thought..LUCKY ESCAPE !!

It''s understandable that it hurts to know she''s pregnant by another man. I don''t think you should expect to feel neutral about this, or even feel at this stage that the separation was a blessing. But those re-awakened feelings of hurt definitely don''t mean that you should be back together. It sounds like you''ve been doing really well before this rebuilding your life, and you''ll get through this setback too.