Mother removed children changing surnames

I have 3 boys aged 8,10 and 13 who live with mum. I had a contact order 3 years ago, but mother was making kids lives miserable. Long story short, I went to court to get contact back due to her stopping it and she said to court that she would bring eldest boy to a hearing to say he didn''t want to see me. CASCAFF and social we''re all there and advised court to let me have contact, I however was not going to put my child into court and knowing mum would not ever stop I asked court to rip up my contact order, allowing children to contact mr if they wanted and that mum actively would ask children to write to me. The court order also had the attachment about not changing surnames or taking children out of country with out informing or asking others with PR meaning me or the court.

Children''s mother has registered eldest child in secondary school with her new husbands surname even though none of the children has taken on the new name. School have said they can not use that name but she is adamant and has said she is appealing. Surely that is a blatant breach of court order?

Secondly, I was told by my step daughter that none of my children were in school, I asked both head teachers who said they had denied mother from taking children out of school but she was very insistent, I then find out after trying to find where my children were that they were in Spain for 2 weeks, I didn''t even know they had passports! She did not ask my permission or the court. I would of agreed to a holiday, but my point is I didn''t know where my children were, no address, emergency contact or anything. She acts as if I do not exist. Is this yet another breach of court order? I thought she needed me to sign or at least need my details to get a passport for the children? I''m worried this is just the start, can I ask the court to hold onto the passports after what she did, so she has to ask next time?
Thank you.

How can you expect your ex to respect or the court to enforce an order which you have asked the court to "rip up"? I suppose you could apply for a Prohibited Steps Order, but I doubt the court would be very sympathetic.

The OP clearly did not want to put his child through the distress of court. This is hardly a signal that he does not care about his children.It does not give the mother a right to change names/take children out of the country/keep children out of school.I find the previous response a little harsh!

Nevertheless, the OP has put the onus on the children whether to contact him or not. My own opinion is that this was a mistake. Children are entitled to the love and support of both parents and effectively walking away undermines the security of the children that their father is a permanent fixture in their lives.

By asking the Court to rip up the contact order, effectively the original poster has allowed the children to drift out of his life. I hope this decision can be reversed in the future and dad will have contact with his children again.

Apologies if the comment was harsh, but the OP has rather shot himself in the foot. The only solution would be a return to court, but if there is no contact and no effective order in place I can''t see how it would really work. A PSO on its own isn''t really much use. An application for a PSO together with a CAO might be an option, but mediation would have to be considered first. Of course it is unpleasant to drag a child through the courts - though they rarely have to attend - but the alternative can be far more harmful.

Having seen all 3 children be sick at change over because the mother would always be abusive. I was not going to put my children though going into court. The mother and her solicitor said to CASCAFF, social services and the judge they WERE willing to do this and the judge said it would be allowed. After 3 years of constant fighting with the mother I put the kids first. Looking back on it it was a mistake but I really thought if I stopped the fight she would eventually stop, how wrong was I. It''s been 4 years now and the children are completely out of control.

When there is a mother who is he''ll bent on destroying her ex life there is no stopping them because they will go to any lengths when most normal people will have normal day to day things to do. I didn''t walk out of thier lives I simply gave them a rest!!! But in this period the mother has increased her control over the boys. The court order clearly says no name change and no removing children without permission, that''s 2 breaches of court order already, that''s surely enough to get back into court

I don''t think anyone is passing judgement on your motives but the problem is you ripped up the order and it will be difficult to enforce because you haven''t been involved with the children for a number of years.

Strictly speaking it is unlawful to change a child''s name without the consent of all those with Parental Responsibility or permission from the court. Also it is a criminal offence under the Child Abduction Act 1984 to take a child abroad without consent or permission unless they (the parent) has an order that the child lives with them.

IF you apply to prevent a change in the children''s name (which you are entitled to do) you may or may not be successful. The courts will consider the circumstances of the particular case afresh - your connection with the children and whether it would be in their interests to keep your name or to establish a new family unit where everybody operates under one name, or simply to make matters more straightforward. The preferred arrangement may be for the children to take on the new surname.

Clearly taking children abroad on the usual family holiday isn''t child international abduction. Taking children abroad without consent from those with Parental Responsibility for a child is really only a difficulty when there is a risk of abduction or the holiday interferes with court ordered contact. Unfortunately you tore up the order so effectively removed yourself from their lives and there is no real reason for the passports to be held by someone else (usually a solicitor). The Family Court make orders to benefit children rather than punish parentIs. If you ask for the passports to be held it be perceived as controlling behaviour and the issues between adults rather than in the the interests of the children.