Advice re police pension please

Hi, I've been reading some of the other threads with interest.

My husband of 23 years + 3 years cohabiting has asked for a divorce. I am 53.

We have two children, 23 and 19. The 19 yr old is due to go to university next September.

My stbx retired in May this year as a DCI and took full commutation - about £220k. This money has been spent paying off half the mortgage, marital debt and jobs in the house, the last year of my course (c£4k) and his car £10k. He tells me there is £20k left but I have no evidence of this and he refuses to allow me access to it or to a statement.

I was medically retired out of the police in 1998 following an injury of duty and have received a medical pension/injury on duty award since. I had 13 years service.

My children are actually adopted and I took time out to care for them, although always doing part time jobs to pay for extras.

I will have two small local authority pensions (2 yrs each of p/t work) and one civil service pension of 8 years. I left work this year in May to concentrate on the last year of my diploma course before setting up as an alternative practitioner next year. (I also hated my job and was suffering from anxiety).

Stbx believes I have no claim on his pension as he is already claiming it - I have tried to explain that is not the case.

FMH is worth c£440k which would give us c£150k of equity each.

I worry as I am not working it will be difficult to get a mortgage and certainly not for enough to get a reasonable house (planning on working from home).

We have been advised to see a mediator and I have been in contact with one based at a local solicitors re finance.

Am I right in thinking that we need to ask for an actuary who will then contact the pension suppliers and work out figures? My stbx stated I needed to be careful as I might lose out if I went after some of his...

A friend suggested that I could ask for spousal maintenance to help me over the first years whilst I set my business up. I am not interested in taking him for all i can, just a reasonable and manageable amount. We both need to buy a new home. He has returned to same job, albeit part time and so is receiving a wage and his pension.

Ideally, I would like to offset some of my % of pension to help now and then have a PSO. A small spousal maintenance for two years?

Does that sound fair and possible? Where to start.....

Im sorry to hear of your situation. Your STBX will have to show all his bank statements as part of the divorce process.
re the Police pension, I got divorced 3 years ago .my ex was a retired Police Inspector with over 30 years service , he had taken his commutation while we were married and was in receipt of his pension. I was still working and had a final salary pension with my employer. We were advised to use an actuary , which we did. This was expensive but was worth it as they looked at the value of both our pensions and our state pensions and then worked out how much we should both have. I received 14% of his pension , this was paid to me a a pension in my own name when I turned 60 earlier this year, but I could not access the money earlier. the rest of our assets ,which was mainly the house and savings were split almost 50:50, I asked for and got an extra 10K from the sale of the house.
Sad footnote to my tale is that my ex then died less than a year after our divorce.

Xargle, thank you for your response. Good to hear of your experience.

How sad he died so quick after retirement. Not unheard of - shocking that the retirement age has been raised for police officers.