Cannot decide

Hello,
New to the site. Read thourgh some of the posts, found good advices. I''m going through a period, cannot decide to get a divorce or not. And I think it''s really nerveracking. I keep thinking that the decision making process is the worse bit. and if I can decide what to do, everything else might be easier, as we don;t have any children etc. Well anyway, any comments would be appreciated.

Hi Shoeinn.

Divorce is a big step. Make that huge step. Into the unknown for most.

Obviously there are reasons why you want to do this. Perhaps yr bored. Perhaps you think you will be better off alone. I dont know. You have not said.

But divorce is the last resort in a long list of last resorts. You have to really need to do this to do it. And you have to have explored every avenue to rescue the marriage.

Marriage is for life. Honestly it is. Its a firm commitment that you make to stay married. Until death. So if you are going to do this. You need to have done absolutely everything to save it. Otherwise, what was the point of getting married? Marriage is not just a piece of paper. Its loads more than that.

Tell us why you want to do this. Convince us. Sell it. C.

Hi and welcome to Wikivorce.

I agree with Marshy, divorce has to be the very last resort. For myself, I found it possible to commit and so manage the really hard parts (as there will inevitably be) once the decision was made. It''s pretty near impossible to see ahead until you know which road you''re on, so I would spend time thinking on your own about what it is you think you want, what you see happening and why - I would also spend time talking this through with your husband if that''s possible.

By all means share your situation with us if you can. It often helps to get other people''s take on things but, with so little information, it''s hard for us to do that.

Shezi

Thanks guys, well if i can tell the whole story, I''m sure you would be convinced:) well, lets just say, the arguments and fights are unbearable. Totally two different people, don''t even want to spend time together anymore. Well now you''ll ask, why did you get married in the first place, havent I realized the differences. The answer is ''no''. I was blinded I guess. so the situation is like we''re like 2 roommates who cannot get along and happen to share the same house. At least this is how I feel like. Having said that, after all we''ve been through, I''m not angry or anything, if you look at it, I even love him, as a person, as a friend maybe, well in time, but no feelings left whatsoever, and it''s really confusing.
There are other things I wouldnt want to say here:dry:
Anyway many many thanks:) I know it''s difficult to make comments like this, but you guys are good at it:)

Have you considered getting outside help? Counselling may help you understand why your relationship has deteriorated so much.You might learn tactics to work towards repairing it.If there are still positive feelings its worth trying to save your marriage.

shoeinn wrote:

Thanks guys, well if i can tell the whole story, I''m sure you would be convinced:) well, lets just say, the arguments and fights are unbearable. Totally two different people, don''t even want to spend time together anymore. Well now you''ll ask, why did you get married in the first place, havent I realized the differences. The answer is ''no''. I was blinded I guess. so the situation is like we''re like 2 roommates who cannot get along and happen to share the same house. At least this is how I feel like. Having said that, after all we''ve been through, I''m not angry or anything, if you look at it, I even love him, as a person, as a friend maybe, well in time, but no feelings left whatsoever, and it''s really confusing.
There are other things I wouldnt want to say here:dry:
Anyway many many thanks:) I know it''s difficult to make comments like this, but you guys are good at it:)

Its your decision at the end of the day and each of you have to be responsible for your actions.

I completely understand you saying about the fights and arguments - my ex was a mud slinger - in a fight he never just argued about the main topic, he insulted, criticised and belittled me, he was truly nasty - some things can never be unsaid - even now years later some of what he shouted at me stab me in the heart.

I agree that every avenue needs to be explored before you make the decision, but also you know the details and we here will have to trust you in this. Its obviously not a decision than anyone makes lightly.

Whatever happens we''re not here to judge and you don''t need to justify anything to us, we''re here to support and help you.

Good luck

WR x

Hi shoeinn,

I''m in a similar situation, and commented to my wife just the other day that it feels like we''re just housemates or lodgers, not in a relationship.

The difference is we have children.

If it wasn''t for them (and the real danger of seeing them less) I would''ve left my wife long ago.

I am the main breadwinner in our house, but I''m even prepared to lose half of everything just to get away from her and be allowed to live a normal life again.

Whatever you decide, good luck!