finances are destroying my relationship

Some how you really do need to get him to look at this situation realistically.

It would seem that if he doesn''t he could lose the inheritance anyway as his family also think it''s a crazy situation and most importantly he could loose you.

There never is ''a right time'' to get divorced. Now it is the inheritance but would could crop up next?

As Marshy has said he needs to instigate this and get the ball moving otherwise he is setting a president for SM which he may not have to pay at all due to the similar amount that his stbx and your partner earn and the age of the children.

You say that he doesn''t want to upset the children.... well they are now young adults (I know that they will always be children in his eyes) and they are moving on with their own lives.

He has already moved out and moved in with you so how is getting divorced going to upset them anymore!? He is divorcing their mother not them.

Personally I thing your partner needs a big wake up call and soon.

Sorry if that sounds harsh... sending you hugs.

thanks for your support cakes
can he really be setting a precedent by paying her this much.
are you meaning she could say cos he has been paying her so much for a while she could end up getting money in her own right as part of the divorce

Yes he could be.

The awarding of SM is in a way based on the needs of the recipient and the ability of the payer to pay. If he continues to do this he is showing that he can pay!

Have you been to the CSA calculator and worked out what he is legally required to pay for his youngest child?

I would suggest that that would be a good starting point.From what you have said it would be nothing like what he has been or is saying he will pay.

Once you are aware of this figure then you can see if you can pay more on top without getting any further into debt.

yes its £46/week!
he says he doesnt want her to have to move as the kids wont have a roof over their head etc.
i dont want that either.
he is still on the mortgage but there is only about 4 yrs to go and its only £200/month anyway

joolee48 wrote:

thanks for your support cakes
can he really be setting a precedent by paying her this much.
as ive said its currently at 750 and he has suggested dropping it to 400 but she says she wants 550.
are you meaning she could say cos he has been paying her so much for a while she could end up getting money in her own right as part of the divorce

Yes, that''s exactly what cakes is saying

By proving he can afford to pay at that level (even though - technically you can''t)

You are with a man that does not want to get divorced - What is his view of the future? Where does he see things turning out?

At the moment he is trying (unsuccessfully) to keep everyone sweet - but it doesn''t work out that way. He needs to be firmer and make a stand, but no amount of reasoning or pleading or even ultimatum if it came to that - it still has to be him taking the bull by the horns and start the Divorce.

His kids probably won''t be surprised as they have been separated for some time. I''m sure if he was really worried, he could have a chat with them before he put the paperwork in.

I guess you need a calm and honest conversation and tell him what is at stake and the damage that is being done by undermining your relationship. If he wasn''t with you, in your house - would he still be able to house himself and continue to pay her what he pays?

WR x

before he moved in he was living in a shared house paying £70/week.
he managed yes because he lived very frugally and worked on a saturday

joolee48 wrote:

yes its £46/week!
he says he doesnt want her to have to move as the kids wont have a roof over their head etc.
i dont want that either.
he is still on the mortgage but there is only about 4 yrs to go and its only £207/month anyway

Even if he pays the £46/week plus half the mortgage it would still be a lot less than he is proposing (this would also be protecting his interest in the house) Therefore the rest is seen as SM.

Maybe it is just a case of him not realising this.

You don''t really say whether he contribuites to your bills much but youcould get really tough and say that you expect him to pay you the dfifference in money that you lost by himmoving in withyou x