girlfriend

Hi Eliza just to say that I''m thinking of you and sending virtual hugs. I know you are in shock and it will hurt for a long time and even when you think you''re doing ok something will throw you again. But there are some wise posts on hear that I hope will provide some comfort for you. I covered up for my husband for a while and my kids only found out when we had this blazing row and my language was appalling. I wish I''d played things out differently but I never wanted to paint their dad in a bad way... Mad I know. They have never once asked him anything and part of me wishes they would but I''m getting past that now. Think carefully and do it in your own time but remember you can''t answer all their questions only he can and others are right you cannot blame yourself. I know what I did wrong in my marriage but there were reasons and it does not justify their betrayal.
Take care my friend you are not alone
BL xx

Eliza, I am so sorry for your troubles and for you and the children to have to cope with all this.

You will find yourself reeling for some time yet (sorry). And you will also need to tell that saga over and over. And when you are not telling it you will have it going round in your own head over and over (sorry again). You will have conversations in your head with him of the ''how could you ... why did you'' kind. And their will be many tears. And lots more yearnings to be looked after.

I tell you these things so that you know you are not pathetic but normal to be feeling so. Women of all ages on here, including many a fifty year old, have done the same. And some men I believe.

As for ''do'', all you can do at the very moment is look after yourself and your children to the best of your ability and I know you are doing that. Later, you will have to dry your tears and start trying to salvage what you can financially.

Nige x

I think it is testament to how strong the feelings are - that so many of us want to say - hi, we are here for you. The wise ladies above have said it all. You are not mad - the pain can feel physical. Somedays you have to break down the days and survive 10 minutes at a time. Big hugs.

Oh dear- that is hard news to take, but I cant say i am surprised. People dont leave long relationships with kids, unless they have a safety coushin (and that is usually someone else).

Im not sure why your friend told you that, as it seems just hurtful information that can do no good- other than to make you maybe realise that he isnt coming back. Information to help you move on quicker?

He is the train wreck, and unfortunatley, you are one of the cars stuck behind him being dragged along. We have all been there, but it will get better- you just have to hit Absolute rock bottom first.

Can I just say Eliza that I am really sorry and shedding a tear or two for you.

You are in my thoughts, do try to take care of yourself as hard as that may be right now.

The very warmest of wishes to you

LG xXx

Thanks everyone.

I still don''t think (tho obvs could be wrong) that the OW was there all along. I think that he is just treating himself, feeling he deserves to get his end away and have a bit of ?affection? just as he is treating himself to the luxury flat with all mod cons, the new wardrobe, personal trainer and so on. The whole ''because I''m worth it'' deal, after (as he sees it) being henpecked all these years by a harridan who pointed out that we didn''t have the money. In the meantime he has not apparently been paid these last few months, so it is all a mystery to me, and I am still cutting coupons.

It will come as no surprise to all of you that as the mother with kids at home there is NO opportunity for hanky panky - not that I would have any interest or anyone to do it with! - but he is free every evening, and while I have children to cuddle, he does not: the girls want nothing to do with him at present, though he does see his son about twice a week.

Interesting though that he has been complaining long and loud about how because of the hours he is working he has no time to answer letters to my lawyer (or me) or sometimes even to phone the house to speak to the children. And yet he finds time for a bit of nooky. Nice.

it''s very time consuming having a midlife crisis!
I see from our bank statements (STBX is paying his credit card, I still can view it) that he''s off to concerts, dinners and doing lots of shopping, and certainly has been having time for nooky. But he complains when I ask him to fulfil his promise to do handyman stuff prior to selling the house that "I''m so busy, I have to do my own ironing and cooking you know" (um, so do I, and for the kids too)