Advice needed on PR and changing child''s name

Hi all,

I''m a single parent and my son is 3years old. His "donor" and me broke up straight from birth and he''s never wanted contact, paid maintenance or gives a damn about him. Which in all honesty works brill for me we had a very rocky relationship and I suffered a lot of abuse from him, so my son is better off.

My son has his last name which I think is unfair. The "donor" openly dismisses him as his son, never told his family I was pregnant and then told them I''d slept around so he''s not his although he is. He was very abusive and controlling and chose my sons name and signed the birth cert and I wasn''t allowed any say. Once I managed to kick him out I did get my sons first name changed with his permission so have a new birth cert. I now want his last name changed to mine and sent a letter to his parents threatening him with me pursuing maintenance if he didn''t respond so he sent me a letter with agreement to the change. I''m confused what I do now with all the different forms, and if I have to go through a solicitor which I couldn''t afford? Does anyone have any idea please?

Also he wants his PR removed, can that be done? I know courts do in extreme circumstances but didn''t know if they did in other cases. I do want to setup provisions if something happens to me but can''t do this while he has PR. he''s a nasty piece of work so would love if I could do this and shocked he''s asked. Anyone have any ideas?

Sorry for long post and thanks!
Kelly

I would go through a solicitor

The law says you can''t change your child''s name without consent of all those with PR. As long as you''ve got his consent in writing then you should be able to go through the normal Deed Poll process to change your child''s name.

With regard to removing PR, a court would normally only do it in extreme circumstances, and it''s only happened a handful of times in the last 25 years. I don''t know of any cases where it has been removed with consent.

Either way, your ex may not realise that removing his PR would not end his obligation to pay child maintenance if you sought it, so if that''s what he''s thinking then he''d be disappointed by it.

You can appoint a guardian in case of your death, and you should contact a solicitor to include this in your will. Wikivorce has a will writing service, but you may be able to get one free or very cheaply in exchange for a donation. Check the money saving expert web site for free and cheap wills, or the services tab for the wikivorce service.

If both of you have PR and neither of you have a residence order for your child then in the event of your death your nominated guardian would act jointly with your ex. If he has no interest in a relationship with your child then its likely that your guardian would continue to look after your child.

Thanks for the tips. I''m confused with the forms on the website that I need to fill in might be me being completely stupid!

I will try a solicitor depending upon fees. I did think you couldn''t remove PR like that, but I would never ask him for maintenance. I wasn''t aware I could still appoint a guardian I will look in to that as yes unfortunately we both have PR.

Thanks guys!
Kelly

Kelly
I will reply to your post from my own experience.
My daughter''s father has had very little to do with her in the last 20 years, however there were some things that I wanted for her whether he was there or not. One thing was to have his name on her birth certificate and not "father unknown" and the second was for her to know who he was even if he had nothing to do with her. I am glad I kept to this even if he did not turn out to be the father to her I would have liked.

I gave her his surname (even though we were never married and I have a different surname) and she has the first name he suggested because I really liked his suggestion and it suits her.

With regard to PR, I did not have this issue as we were not married and 20 years ago he would only have got PR if he had applied to the courts. I know things have changed now in this respect.

Regarding guardianship, I made a will with regard to who I appointed as her legal guardian should anything happen to me.

Whatever name you give your child, you can never change who their father is. Try not to have too much of a negative view of your child''s father as he is half of their make-up and one day they will want to know about them and ask questions.

My daughter is at University now and I''m so proud of her. I always took the view that it was my fault who her father was and that all I could do was give her the best life possible and I hope I have done that.

Hi thanks for your own experience. I''m sure you''ve done all you could for her and you should be proud.

It''s a decision I thought long and hard over and have reasons which I feel is in my sons best interests not my own. I am as prepared as can be for when he begins to ask questions and I would never hide his father, just heart breaking if he ever wants to find him as he wouldn''t want to be apart of his life. He would only hurt him and use him for money and find out about me to control my life again.

So far he thinks his last name is mine and I am mummy and daddy as he says. Doesn''t quite understand yet bless him.

Thank you again for that

Can I ask why now your child is 3 you want to change his name? Is it because he has started nursery and started to write his own name? I agree in these modern times there should be no reason for a child not to have the mother''s surname instead of the father''s.

You said before you got his first name changed and a new birth certificate, could you not do this again with regard to the surname and get a new birth certificate?

Your child is still very young and won''t need too much explanation at this stage. Be prepared that it can get tricky when they start school and other children talk about their fathers and what they do together.

I wish you the best of luck.