Dad not turning up!

I feel the major hurdle for a balanced child care arrangement for both parents is the distance. 100 miles?

Neither parent has the perfect long term solution for the kids.

It sounds like he''s tinkering around the edges trying to maintain a work-life balance for himself. e.g. picking up the kids at 7pm feels like he plans to work a full day''s work.
You also want to maintain a work-life balance for yourself.


Given the constraints, distance, schooling, etc., perhaps you 2 could discuss a new pattern from a clean sheet of paper, instead of tinkering the existing court order.
Say you would want to work together for the sake of the kids. Let him propose a pattern first and you comment on it.
Really forget about if he lies about his work pattern, relationship, etc. Just focus on the new child care pattern that you 2 can stick to.

He may not cooperate but at least you know you have tried.

He now lives 13 miles away and weve been tinkering with what he wants for years.

I''m guessing my answers there, do what he wants as always and be bullied and abused into it or do nothing and let him start a fresh. Either I suffer, emotionally, career, and either my kids suffer and develop a skewed view of the world

Hello

Looking for some help again.

Still a no show for what is now over 4 months.

Ive begged, offered to meet his childcare costs and in the end offered to meet his latest demands. When I offered to meet his latest demands I was met with a no, I know only want them Saturday afternoons for a few hours?

So, to day, I get court papers, which is in my opinion a big step in the right direction. He''s done something although I am not so sure what he will achieve after such a long period of breach when the children have been available for all contact.

However can anyone help please with the wording in the form?

It says
''It is ordered that the current application is stayed until the Applicant has filed a fully completed form FM1 or a statement explaining by reference to Annex C of the Practice Direction £ in the family proceedings and why attendance at a mediation information assessment meeting is not required in this case.'' (is he claiming domestic violence from me to him?)

''There be leave by the applicant to apply formally to set aside stay or vary this order''

''the case is to be returned to gatekeeping only when the above order has been complied with.''

Now I read this as he has had a hearing without me present. He has also ticked that we have attended mediation and this is not true, we never have.

He has also hidden his address so we still do not know his whereabouts and I suspect this is because I forwarded debt letters that he had sent here back in February which only had his name on, and as we have been separated for 5 years and he has never lived in my address he is now using against me maybe?

I am fully supportive of all contact and am actually thankful that these papers have arrived but confused as to some of the wording.

He also writes my behavior is unreasonable, yet all I have done is make the children available at all court ordered times and begged and begged him to come. (for info long history but the children want the order followed due to increasing changes and unsuitability of these changes)

And yes I blew my top last week when I agreed to his demands and he then says oh no I''ve changed my mind I want something different! unfortunately it is all about him him him and not really the girls, although on some level it must be or I wouldnt have court papers.

Can anyone help with the legal wording if you''ve managed to read my waffle

Nothing to indicate that there has been a hearing with only him present or of DV allegations against you.



''It is ordered that the current application is stayed until the Applicant has filed a fully completed form FM1 or a statement explaining by reference to Annex C of the Practice Direction £ in the family proceedings and why attendance at a mediation information assessment meeting is not required in this case.''

There is now a requirement that applicants in most cases organise a Mediation Information & Assessment Meeting before a court will hear a case. FM1 is completed by the mediator or a statement needs to filed explaining why a MIAM isn''t required. IT appears your ex has done neither so the court is telling him he must comply with the Practice Directions.



''There be leave by the applicant to apply formally to set aside stay or vary this order''

Assuming he has Parental Responsibility it sounds as though your ex hasn''t said what he is asking the court to do and he has been given permission to apply formally to have the order set aside, stayed (suspended) or varied (change the terms.)



''the case is to be returned to gatekeeping only when the above order has been complied with.''

"Gatekeepers" now monitor applications and decide which level of judiciary should hear a particular case. So your ex needs to comply with the orders/directions above and return the case to the gatekeeper before the case can be allocated.

Thank you so much - all very helpful.

Am hopeful of a resolution asap for the children. Fingers crossed this is the start.

Thank you x

may I just ask - for what reasons would mediation not need to be attended?

I can see no reason why it cant be, actually be a good way forward probably.

But what reasons in his statement would a judge consider and if it got to Directions hearing stage and I said that mediation could be attended would this be considered? x

The requirement is to attend a MIAM to find out if mediation would be appropriate. DV is an exemption but your ex would need to provide evidence such as a police caution. See paras 17-20 Practice Direction 3A;

www.justice.gov.uk/courts/procedure-rule...s/pd_part_03a#para17