What exactly does my maintenance cover?

Hi all,

I have been through a rather messy separation. Everything seems to stem down to finances and the fact i earn far more than the ex wife. I have a young child (toddler) and since the separation have paid maintenance as per CSA calculations on time every time!

It is all too often that i am being asked for more money, mostly nursery fees. On occasions i agree to a 50/50 split for the extra days. I must note that the ex covers the 2 days he is at nursery.

Now the ex works full time, refuses to go part time, claims both working tax and child tax credits. She once said she would not try for child care vouchers as that would reduce her credits.

I work away and rarely only in the country at specific times. Now when i am home i have my son during the day except Mondays and fridays. When away he is with my parents, of which i pay for the food, nappies etc whilst there. This is all done so i can see my son and to enable the ex to continue working as she wants

Of course things do happen and my parents need to take sometime off, if i am not there, he then needs to go to nursery extra as the ex has work, cant or wont take the time off.

When i contact to see how he is, i get one word answers, then sentences wanting more money. If it is pre arranged fine, but when i get these out of the blue, wanting more money and i say no, again i am threatened with legal action. Where do I legally stand here, solicitors are all fair and beit, but how much does my son need to suffer for from what i see, greed?

This is not a ***** match (please excuse the french) but i am merely trying to find out if i should rename myself to the bank of ......

Please bare in mind on answering that my son wants for nothing, he gets love from both sides and financially cared for by me on top when he is in my parents or my care.

Your advice and thoughts are appreciated

As far as I am aware maintenance is just that.

It is your share of maintaining that your child has everything that they need.

I believe I am right in saying provided you child is with a registered nursery/ child minder then your ex can claim most of the money back through tax credits (80% I believe, although this may have changed).

You are not expected to pay any extra, although it is up to you if you do. This also includes school trips, uniforms etc. This having been said if you are able to help a little more when these sort of things come up, it is always appreciated.

If you are away a lot are there people in your work that can help and advise you with things like this?

child maintenance is contribution to the cost of raising a child - housing, clothing, food, transport, etc etc.

DO you earn more than the Child maintenance Service capped amount of £3k a week and if you work abroad are you habitually resident there or in the UK?

Mate,
What does child maintenance cover exactly.
I can demystify this with the comprehensive answer that every woman gives but will never admit to.

"None of your God Damn business, it''s for your kids. Not me. And if you think what you pay comes anywhere close to covering how much the child costs me financially and all the petrol for the school runs you are sorely deluded.
In the meantime you have to pay me money for the trombone lesson, the school journey, school uniform, because how else am I going to afford the next foreign holiday i''m off on with the new fella in the free house you gave me. whilst i do you the favour of babysitting your own kids to facilitate it"

Sound familiar????

Yes I am always right
HRH xx

childcare is expensive. It also (usually) needs to be paid for whether or not you use it if you want to hold a place open for your child. I would hazard a guess I''m not the only parent with care who pays for full-time care, despite the ex regularly seeing the children, because he has little sense of responsibility and if he is unable to care for them, believes I should simply step in. Unfortunately, life''s not like that and I can''t arrange my job around my ex''s whims. I also can''t help the fact I need to work full time to provide for myself and my children, both now and in the future. Yes, I could go part-time, but the impact of that is potentially massive - years and years without full pension contributions, reduced likelihood of promotion etc. etc. etc. I note that you are able to work abroad, as you please, without having to consider how your child is being cared for. That''s because your ex does it for you yet you expect her to work her hours and her life around you?

You don''t have to pay any extra if you are paying the minimum as per CAS calculations for maintenance. However, you appear to have no understanding of the issues a working, single parent may face in attempting to work full time and keep body and soul together. A full and frank discussion about what it is costing your ex to work would be a good place to start, perhaps?

How much child support do you pay ?

Just to give an example of my youngest child''s expense this month. It''s an expensive month... Her prom no less

Dress £150
Hair £100 highlights she want it half up half down whatever that means but I have already paid £70 for highlights and face another £30 for hairdo on the day
Shoes£59
Bag£19.99
Nails£7
Ticket to prom £35 yet she worked her arse off to get enough points Togo to prom
I cannot afford to pay for a limo I will take her there free

My ex hubby pays for her £240 per month we have two kids he pays for so technically that''s£480

He is going to stand outside the prom venue clapping

But don''t forget I fed her took her to school cloth her and he spends 2/3 hours a week with her

Thanks all for the replies.

As stated I am not here for a ***** slagging match of the rights and wrongs between disgruntled divorcees.

I have no issue with the fact that the NRP should pay maintenance, in fact I am all for it. I appreciate that there are a few people out there that hide/dodge their responsibilities however, there is a vast majority that don’t.

Maybe i should have made my question clearer. Does nursery fee''s fall under the terms of maintenance?

When my son resides with me in my off time, should i require him to go into nursery for an unexpected reason, and then in my views, that is my responsibility to cover. Should I cover fees, to facilitate the ex either in occupation or lifestyle, then no, i believe it is her responsibility to then cover those occasions.

Again from my previous statements, I have stated that on prior arrangement, I do and will continue to help out with fees beyond what i currently pay. Without going into figures, I hasten to add that the monthly amount I pay would cover her mortgage amount on her new house and from the financial divorce; she has more than received a fair and final settlement on which she agreed and therefore signed.

I would like to further add that at the same time, the taxi/nursery runs, clothing etc. is also additionally bought on top and given to her, whilst he is in my or my parents care. Discussions have been had and things later on in his life such as school trips etc. shall be shared equally between parties, this i have no quibble with.

What i do however have an issue with is the random; I need more money for care. Should i be responsible for poor financial management? And on drawing a line, again threatened with a so called legal action that she can legally, force me to cover all child care?

The end result in all this financial hell, is that our son bares the grunt.

Paying for a child is both parents responsibility, but there has to be a limit and or rules/regulations. In general, do we as fathers live on a bread line to facilitate a better lifestyle for the mother and child?

To answer some questions, yes I am a UK resident, I work abroad, not through choice to be away from my son, but to have the financial stability that it brings to all parties, including the ex. Sure we could all get a 9-5 regular job (hmm, with the country in its current employment state?), that way we can all suffer some more from that lack in income. The amount I see my son was determined by the ex through her solicitor that best facilitates routine for our son and her. I don''t pretend to like it fixed like that but for our son, I agree.

Lastly (and I hope I don’t sound too out of place), before leaving for work, the last thing i do is see my son, on return, the first thing i do is try and see my son. I am fully committed to raising my child, both emotionally and financially. Please don’t insult my intelligence by saying I do not understand what is involved in singularly raising a child. A child requires a father as well as a mother.

Thanks all and I hope i haven''t ranted on too much.