School - private v state

I want my child to go to a state school next door to my house. It is outstanding on every OFSTED measure. We were offered a place last week.

My ex wants the child to go to private school, which is further away and wants me to pay the fees becasue I have said I would in the past.We have been planning it for a while as we had no state alternative until now.

I strongly believe the state is better for the child, especially as it is in the local community (or at least mine - so half the time) and his siblings are at school nearby

unfortunately the child started at the private school yesterday, as a last minute mediation session the evening before resulted in me giving up. But I now regret that and am considering going to court.The other school starts on Monday

I cannot afford the school fees out of income by any stretch of the imagination. I can pay it out of capital but that reduces the amount available for housing (we are renting, and I cannot get a mortgage due to now being self employed).

Any experiences out there of something similar? Or court precedent?

If you cant afford it then they shouldn''t go full stop. What if something happens and you can''t pay is your ex going to fork out for the fees? if so I would get that in writing from a solicitor. Do his siblings go to private school?

Thanks for the quick response.

No, but they did in the past and he is much younger. The issue is the disruption casued now by suddenly changing schools and expectations, v the potential of having to leave school later.

I agree with your point, and it is one of the reasons to send him to the state school. Her argument is that as I am renting, there is a risk I have to move (albeit I am likely to stay nearby there is a risk I cant)

It is a difficult one, I have friends who have done both the start them at private school move them to state secondary school and the other way around both have had problems with their children getting used to the change, but if the siblings have also attended private school then a president has been set. Its looking at how much it is going to cost, as you have said the little one has only just started, but I expect that you will have already have paid the fees for this term/year, also if you have accepted a place in a private school would the place still be available in the state school? School places are in short supply at very good schools and it could be that the place has already been offered to another child. I think the only way you can go is mediation and put all your arguments down, if she still says no then I would gain some sort of agreement that if you were unable to pay then she would foot the bill or part of it. As i understand if you have both registered him then you are both liable for the payments.

The place is still available, and I have approached the court but it takes six weeks to get a hearing. By which time the place wont be available and by the time he has been there six weeks it will be far more disruptive to move him!

I suspect that the only way to get my way is to simply act unilaterally and simply move him but she would simply move him back and it is not in his interests to be messed around so much.

NB Whilst the others were at private until age 11 they are both now in the state sector. Does private education for siblings set a precedent if financial circumstances have changed substantially - which they have? Especially where the schools are shown to be the same in terms of ''child outcomes'' (ie results)?

I don''t think you can just move him it needs to be agreed between you both as you both have shared responsibility and I don''t think either place would be happy with you pulling him from one place to another or the courts.

I am not sure if it sets a precedent but in her eyes it will especially seeing you agreed to it in the mediation.

Thanks Driven40

It does seem strange that I cant afford the fees but that the judge would rule that he must stay at private school.

The mediation was poor - my ex claims in emails since she has recorded it, and the mediator has accepted that she made impartial comments...so not sure what any judge would make of what was agreed in the session.