Pay for the children but stay out of our lives!

I still live (until next week) with my stbx and have said that I don''t see why I can''t call my children to say goodnight. She has said you can see them every other weekend and holidays but that I can''t talk to them outside these times. My response was you just want my money and to not be part of the children''s lives, her response was yes. I said "I love my children why can''t I talk to them" because they have a step father now and we don''t want you. no, but you want my money!

I hope one day that my children realise that I always love them at their mother is the one that stopped all this.

Is there anything I can do?

Actually on the phone call front I have to agree with stbx (but not her reasons). Phone calls from absent parent are very unsettling and about the parents needs not the child. If a child asks to phone absent parent then its reasonable to allow this but only if the child asks.

If you are there for the children during your contact time and make that time child focussed your relationship wont be destroyed by the absences.

Hold on to this thought: the family may be reconstituted, but you cannot be replaced. You are their biological father and their beloved Daddy who will love them come what may.

I can only imagine how hard it is to go from having daily contact with your children for all the day to day stuff to have restricted time with them. However bad it feels to watch whilst another man apparently takes your place in the children''s affections, remember he’s not you and never will be.

Be guided by your love for them and keep that thought as the focus of your days. Let that love show in all that you do when you’re with them so they carry home with them memories of that love until the next time you can be together. xx

Hi
The first thing that struck me about your post is that your ex appears to be dictating when you can see your children. That is OK if you agree with what she is proposing but you have a say in this, and if you want more contact, for example midweek then you should not be afraid to say so and seek more than she is prepared to allow you.
Setting that aside for a moment, as children get older and get tablets/phones etc they can make their own decisions regarding when they contact you, what you need to do is to assure them that they can contact you when ever they want to.

LB

All seems unfair,since when is it okay to use kids as a weapon in divorce,okay your marriage maybe over,but your relationship with your kids,although will be differant is definatly not....

My daughter''s partner has 2 daughters,and he split with the girl''s mother when they were fairly young,but he has always been a massive in their lives,he phones them each morning and evening and sometimes in between,they come on holidays with us,they spend every xmas afternoon with us etc..
Another point,these girls have a mother,so as my daughter says "I am not their step mother"ok some may see that wrong,personally I see it as giving the mother the respect she deserves,they are not my daughters children,she can be a dear friend to them,but in some relationships stepwhatevers come and go like buses.

Personally I cannot comprehend it,your their father,always will be,just try to keep your contact going as much as possible.
Your kids will know in the fullness of time,and maybe then their mother will have to face the music that she wrote the lyrics for...

Stay strong
Cwtchs
Afon Xxx

And who is she to tell you when you can see your children exactly? Makes my blood boil

Well, I assume as she will be the resident parent she thinks it is her right, and I suppose there is not a lot I can do. Sadly I have to record all conversations as she is a habitual liar, so at least I have it all on tape