Is there something I'm missing?

Morning everyone!

I have pondered this question overnight and thought I would ask the "font of all knowledge", my wiki friends

Before I ask the question, can I just say that, yes it may well be that my ex is only concerned about our sons future education and wants to be involved. I do not know this because he does not talk to me and refuses to see me. But it may be the case. However, given previous form Im not sure.

At present I receive maintenance from my ex for our son, on the AR forms this will continue whilst our son is in full time education. He will finish at 6th form next July and then hopes to go on to university.

Two weeks ago during their weekly phone call my ex asked our son whether he wanted to go around universities during the summer holidays. Our son replied no. (He currently wants as little contact with his dad as possible. His decision). Last night my ex asked again. Again our son deflected the question with a no.

Later it dawned on me that maybe there was some sort of financial implications involved here that my ex is trying to preempt.

I have already reconciled in my mind that should my ex refuse to help our son with further education we would manage somehow.

My ex remarried in May, an event he has yet to tell his children has occured. He has married into aristocracy, though whether its monied I dont know.

My question is, is there something that Im missing? Does my ex have some sort of financial responsibility, legally, to our son regarding further education?

Thank you

Asram
xx

Having just read another post regarding children going on to university. I would just like to add that because of our situation my son will be going straight on to university without a gap year.

Someone else will reply about the finances - I suspect it depends on the exact wording of the order as to whether it stretches beyond 18.

A possible motive for your ex would be to influence your son to go to a local university. That's a lot cheaper but IMHO going away to uni is an important part of growing up and becoming independent.

However it is a good idea to go round looking at universities. The last thing you need is for your son to turn up to a place he's chosen on the basis of the prospectus and to discover he hates the town, can't bond with fellow students etc. This genuinely happened to a couple of my daughters' friends, who thus ended up with unintentional gap years.

Mind you such trips are expensive. You might be able to get a small grant towards it from your son's school.

Thanks Pixy

Its all a bit odd in our case. We live in the Midlands and the ex is in the South West so nothing is local to both of us. We do have options here where going to a local uni would help us financially. We shall see.

What would be the ideal situation is for us as our sons parents to discuss this in an adult way and maybe even look at unis together with our son. But that isnt possible as my ex broke all contact and discussion regarding the kids pretty early on.

I dont know, after my experience of the past two years I just feel that something is afoot. He is getting twitchy and not taking notice of what our son is saying which means his mind is elsewhere and on what he thinks is the bigger picture.

Oh well, one will wait an see what develops

xx

Seems to me that he is trying to bridge the gap with his son by taking an interest in his wider life. I can't believe it would make much odds to him financially what Uni he went to. Its sad your son has such a poor relationship with his father, do you think he may have picked on your negativity? Why not have a chat with him and try and encourage him to take up his dad's invitation.

Zonked

Thank you for your reply. We have had chats and as with all teenagers I have to pick the right time and place. I also have to tread very carefully. I can assure you that at 17 he is quite capable of making his own decisions and he is adamant at the moment that he wants very little to do with his dad. His sister hasnt spoken to her dad for two years. They both have their reasons and I and others have to respect that.

You see each of our stories are different, the same in many ways and yet different in others. Just because my children, at the moment, do not wish to see their dad doesnt necessarily mean its my fault or that they have picked up on any negativity. I sometimes feel that we underestimate our children and their strength of morality and integrity. Maybe it just means that the one person in the world who they should rely on has shattered and hurt them to a point that will take time to recover from.

This is exactly where I didnt want to go with my question. I just asked a question, simply because if the games are about to begin again I will be prepared.

Asram

try to talk with him.
listen to him carefully then put your talk
what you wanted.

My daughter is 18 and has nothing to do with her father her choice. Even though I have kept on trying to get her to see him.
I think that when our kids get to a certain age they are able to make their own minds up.
She is going to uni in September and I have asked her many times if she is going to go and see her father to say goodbye and she says no way.