Maintenance Stopped

I'm right with you LadySMB. They haven't got a clue how much things cost, because they have never done it! Like you say WAKE UP DAD's and live up to your responsibilities. My Ex called the other day - he had to stand on the doorstep cos I won't let him in my house anymore - Gr8 feeling! He gave my son £15 and said to him (he is 14), I can't afford to give you anymore because your mum has made me pay £800 in solicitors fees - well pardon et moi for divorcing the cheating lying git for having 2 affairs, whilst I was bringing up 2 children, and nursing my Dad till he died with Dementia, may I add with no support from my Husband!! My heart bleeds for him. He is driving round in a mercedes, renting in a nice area, on £40k+ a year, but he hasn't got anything, cos he has lost the love and respect of his two beautiful children. I may not have any money but I am very rich compared to him. So stuff the sad losers - cos that's what they are. Keep going luv, and keep on pestering. You always got me to let off steam to. x

Big Big Shame oh him. I don't know how he sleeps at night!! There are a few good men out there I believe, you and I are very unfortunate, but I know you feel it for your child more than for yourself, as I do. It is a Mother's instinct to put her children first. Men are definately from a different planet - God know's which one, but they should definately be returned there and save us all the agro. You have your child, enjoy your time because they grow up too fast. My two are teenagers, very very caring, because they know what I have been through, but I'm under no illusion they won't be at home for long, before they go to uni, leave home, but in the same respect they know they have a Mum who loves them and I'm a firm believer of what goes around comes around. Be patient and enjoy the time with your child. You have so much more than he ever will have. Take care x

AnnoyedMummy your ex is a total disgrace and I wholeheartedly agree wit Angrymama's comments.

We may be cash poor but we have the love and respect of our kids.... and thankfully that compensates for the hardship.

Do you ever fear for how your own son will turn out? I couldn't bear to think that my own son might treat his wife in the way his father treated me/us.

Personally I can't see that happening but what makes a person become so callus and greedy I wonder.

I honestly don't think my children will be affected. It has taken me a lot of time to come to this conclusion. Part of me staying with the git after the first time he had an affair was because I foulishily "thought" I was responsible for keeping the family together (the kind that I was very fortunate to grow up in - no money but all the love in the world), and I know I'm mega stupid, because I did it again after his 2nd affair. Then basically my marriage was falling apart right before me, then we went on holiday (wow great family holiday will sort everything out). That was wake up time as I watched and cried secretly so the children couldn't see me, but I watched other families (not saying their lives were perfect), but they were having a good time. My Husband would leaves us ,go off for walks, constantly texting on his mobile and made it miserable for the whole 10 days - if I could have jumped on a plane sooner I would have done. Sorry know this a bit long winded but there is a happy outcome. Our home is lovely without him, no atmosphere. I have pure love for my wonderful children (because us mum's know they go through it too). My thick Husband believes it's just about me and him, and thekids will be fine with it, and that is where he has gone seriously wrong and they won't be affected. Sad truth is they can't stand him anymore, and that is purely their choice. My 15 year old daughter put on her facebook " I have the most amazing Mum and see Mum told you the three of us would be just fine" Then I thought she is so mature and so much stronger, as am I too. As for my 14 year old son,he doesn't miss his Dad and says I will never do what my Dad has done when I'm older. He has matured too and I am poorly at the moment with cervical spondylosis, and he is always asking me if he can do anything, and I always say just a hug will work wonders, and he is so caring. So in a way I suffered for years putting up with him, but also the children well teenagers have seen what it is like to live in an unhappy home, and I think it will make them more determined in life and stronger, and it's funny because when HE lived at home they got all sorts (not saying they were spoilt by any means), but now they don't ask for anything and are very helpful without being asked around the home. I'm very proud of them, as I am sure you will be of yours, it's your love and the bond you have that will carry you through, so don't worry, sure you are doing a fine job x

Wow, what a rant from the angry mommy brigade. Just to be clear, woman who owe CSA (like my ex) are just as bad as men as paying up. In fact they are statistically worse.

While there are a lot more woman who are PWC and therefore more dad's that have to pay, where the role is reversed woman are much less likley to pay up without a fight and represent a bigger percentage of arrears by percentage of payers.

The statistics are available from the CSA...

I was told via my ex wifes bf
'if XXX (my eldest) ever goes to live with him (me) full time he'll have to drag me through the trenches before I give up my CTC/CB and like F*** ill ever pay HIM a penny of child support.'

My ex wife earns 2x the income I do (benefits fleece) and I stopped paying maitenance because she would not accept my offer (£100 more a month than the calculator) As I could not physically afford to do anything with my children on the weekends they came to me while I had to sit and hear about all the xboxes/tvs/video games/new clothes/shoes/handbags my ex wife was spending..and i still had access to the joint account to verify all of this.
So I stopped paying in order for the CSA to take over. She now says I took food out of my childrens mouths as I am paying what they assessed me on. I also stated that I am happy to cover uniforms, school dinners, tutor costs so long as she gave me a breakdown of cost. She is on IS so everything is subsidised. Her wardrobe has stopped expanding and I can actually do simple things like go to the cinema, take them swimming or rent a few dvd's when they come to me now. I couldnt even afford busfare to collect them previously.

I do think CM dodgers are pond scum, but there are some NRPs out there that are being taken for mugs as well.

Apologies for any offence - sorry did seem one sided. I am always ranting on about my due to be ex, and all that hazzle I have had with the CSA. My comments were meant to be general advice as to how to keep e-mailing them, as I found that the best option to finally get to be heard. My case wad put with the Complaints Manager in the end (think they were sick of me really as I emailed them so many times) and within a week he sorted it all out after months of sheer stress and frustration, and I have sent copies of my phone bills in and it came to over £35 of calls made to them for which he is going to send me a cheque. So perrypower go on their website, and on the right hand side click on complaints, and keep doing it. They have to reply within 48 hours. So my apologies if I offended you in anyway and I hope you get things sorted soon.