should I buy things for children to use whilst with me?

Hi, I'm a divorced (nrp) father of two primary school aged girls. I pay their mother chid support based on CSA calculations. I should point out we don't use the CSA, we just sorted it out ourselves using their calculations. I have the children between 1 and 3 nights a week depending on my shift pattern. I would be interested to hear from others with similar circumstances. I keep a few clothes at my house for the girls but should I be expected to provide school uniform for when the children go to school from mine? Also, my ex wants me to buy shoes and trainers etc so I don't get 'hers' dirty! I just wonder about the point of buying extra footwear but maybe I'm being picky. I'd welcome any thoughts.

Hiya,

Difficult one as inevitably if the children have clothes at both houses, they will be wearing your clothes one day when going home, clothes end up at the wrong houses etc etc.

If ur ex is being fairly reasonable and you could rely on them being sent back at some point then I would but a few bits if you can.

Reasons being, the children will see that you provide for them too and it's not just Mum.

Plus, Kids at that age are shallow, they'll love it that you've got them something new.

Also, speaking from experience (not on the above 2 as by STBXH is useless in that respect and doesnt provide or pay CM), I have to send my boy to school with a bag full of clothes because his dad doesn't have any clothes for the time he spends with him. I don't think its particularly nice for our son to have to take this to school every other weekend.

Take Care
H

Hi
I buy clothes for when the kids are at mine and trainers.
i know you pay child maintenance but at the end of the day it's still a damn site cheaper than what they would cost you if you still lived with them full time.
I think of it as the kids have to feel and believe that they have two homes.every other weekend is a substantial chunk of their home time.
You only need three outfits each and a couple of pairs of trainers /shoes each.
You don't wanna be making your kids feel like refugees.It's peanuts out of Primark or Sports Direct.
Forget what you give the mother in cm that's a given it's how it is.Ok so you might be struggling also feck knows i do but i'd never want my kids remembering when they were adults Oh yeah my Dad never had any clothes for me at his house.
Get past what you pay the ex misus must cost her that anyway to pay for the kids.
Then sort them out that they have clothes and games etc for your place.
I also told my one straight when she's on the earole for more money re school uniforms /trips that's what the cm covers the £4800 a year is for that.
re returning the clothes just send em back in the outfit they came in or if it's straight to school then she will have to send a school uniform round with them although that was a fecking joke as a point scoring exercise it used to send all the old school uniforms theyd grown out of to the extent I had to send my boy in one day with track bottoms on.After which I told it straight that she was a feckin nutter and stop playing stupid games as it was upsetting the kids going to school like tramps becuase of her stupid games.
It never happened again.
All the best
Pete

tooeasygoing, you are along the right lines, sounds like your ex is a bit 'possessive' re the dirty trainers.

What I do is, I pick kids up friday and take to school monday so they come in school stuff, it gets washed for monday morning.
I buy them clothes to wear at mine, also trainers etc, when they did come in her stuff it was always the worst, worn out trainers, trousers etc, its quite common, makes you want to spend more.
As part of the contact oder i have, I was ordered to get new uniform, which was fine, every now and then I take kids to town and get daughjter some nice stuff from H&M or Zara etc, sometimes asda and tesco, they dont get much wear out of this stuff as they soon grow out of it and your giving it away.
But she enjoys choosing stuff and if i pay out £50-£60 for a few new outfits, I know they will be her fav clothes fro a few months.
Like haway says, its less than it would have cost you so bonus in a way.
Only problem sometimes if when they want to take stuff home, especially D, I spend hundreds on toys etc and D tries to take them home, she does take some stuff, but you never see it again. A lot of stuff that goes ex either throws away or puts on ebay.

does it ever occur to you lot that the PWC sends the children in old clothes because
a) she's not sure what you're doing this weekend and the last time you went for a spot of den building in the forest which ruined the expensive jacket they had been wearing?
b) that she's not sure whether or not she's going to get back the decent ones because the relationship with dad is so on/off in terms of decency that it's better not to risk it?
c) that the children have asked not to go in their best clothes because dad's daft and has always been on a trip to Primark in the interim and bought them something new?!

Not saying that's always the case, but has been in my situation and even in the better moments with my ex, I have learnt by bitter experience not to send the children in anything I care about.

I personally don't pack a bag for my children to visit dad. He doesn't pay maintenance so frankly, he can clothe them when he has them.

mum, your right, thats the reverse of the coin.
In my case my standards are higher, I have pride in my kids and they are always smart and clean, yes ok they get ditched, like when we go to conkers, but stuff gets washed, I used to even wash stuff before it went back to ex. So its like drivers, there are good and bad in both camps.

I send a bag of clothes with my son because I care about him, not for my ex. I worry constantly about how our divorce affects him. Boiling it down to the money he does not pay, whilst it grates on me, I do it for the love for my son