should I buy things for children to use whilst with me?

Bobbin,
yep! I too have standards but I have had to lower them since getting divorced simply because I don't have the money I had. The children have less clothes so they get worn more. I have more second hand items and cheaper supermarket items amongst their clothing than I had in the past. They are always sent clean and tidy but they are also sent in clothing that I don't mind losing which means the worst of it and if they have a white t-shirt that has a spag bol stain on it I can't get out then yes, that's the one that's going to dad's house this week (and inevitably, it's one I'll get back 'cos he doesn't want the crap - reverse psychology!!!). Perhaps my ex is on here or other forums saying I'm a dreadful mother because of this. Frankly, I couldn't care less! I want my children to look decent when they're with me and so I have no choice but to be choosy.

In a moment of madness last week, my ex dumped 8 bin bags full of clothing on my doorstep (long story!). I was amazed - clothes I haven't seen in 2 years, clothes he denied ever having seen let alone retained...and the one that really, really got me was a little stripey sweatshirt that I'd bought for the baby and which he had worn for the first time to go to dad's and which I'd never seen again. Clearly, it had never been worn other than on that occassion and hadn't been washed (you can tell by the labels). Makes me mad as hell!

Communication is key. And building trust by not lying. Simples.

Thanks for all your comments, ...I've been apart from my ex for 6 yrs (divorced for 3) but never joined a group like this, so it's good to hear from others and listen to some different points of view.

P

While there has never been a problem with clothes and toys going backwards and forwards from two houses in my son's case, I do think children like the idea of having things to keep at the other house. It makes it their home.

Only this last weekend my son said that dad is getting him some trainers to keep at his and he seemed quite excited about it.

I have bits for my kids at mine. They come after school so get sent in a uniform with nothing else.

Its fine. My ex never really did care too much about how the kids looked and this hasnt changed since we split.
I try and keep em tidy so they have a few sets of clothes at mine, and trainers.
the odd thing has gone back to hers but she always returns it now but this never used to happen.
I am in a mind a child needs to feel that they have a place and things of their own at each house, makes for less of a 'stopover' at mine.

When pettyness creeps into it theres no end of entertainment to be had.

I provide all clothes, shoes etc for kids - on collecting them in early sept ex demanded coats as they were going to do an outdoor activity. I duly handed over brand new school coat never to be seen again. When I picked them up I was handed the address for a go-karting rink some 40 miles away where coat had been left behind! Ah bless at least the dad took them somewhere fun er NO that was where they spent the day sat on a dusty bench watching daddy race round like an overgrown kid in his toy car.

Just the other week - dad gets eldest to text me asking where the present is for the birthday party youngest is going to during his contact time. I kid you not, I was asked to provide present and if I was going out, told to leave it in the shed !!!

I know what I wanted to leave in the shed....

last contact I was offered a half contribution (£3) to the school disco tickets which again will be on pappys contact.

We are four years post split now but me is thinking hes going to take a while to get over it or am I being too sensitive?

So I would say life is too short to get too hung up on these things, do what you can and dont get sucked into someone elses bitterness.

Kind ones to all

My son has everything the boys need at his home. We try to pick up things from Next, Tesco etc during sale times to keep the expense down. The boys go back to their mum's in clothes from his house, but they are always returned promptly so there is no problem. He has shared residence so it would be unthinkable not to have the children's clothes at their second home.

They also have a third home - which is mine. We take them to school and collect them from school every day so we have a spare set of clothes for each boy plus boxers and socks. We probably dont get full wear out of them but at least some of the clothes can be passed down to the youngest.

My place is nearly a mirror image of my ex's. They have toys (inc games consoles), clothes and other items coats and shoes/trainers. Then main parts of there school uniforms stay at my ex's and though I have some items here like school shirts and tights/socks

They do have a bag that goes back and forward with some clothes they share between houses.

Although my relationship with ex is not great we manage to get thing return to the right houses and some items shared like video/computer games.

I think Pete is right it is a case of them having 2 homes