should I buy things for children to use whilst with me?

Both me and my stbx buy clothing etc. for our boy (and he pays cm but he doesn't hesistate to buy him something if he needs it) and the items just end up where they end up over time; with every now and then us having to do a swap over of things when we end up with lots of one and nothing of another. We never get into 'that's mine, I bought it' ever as we feel that is irrelevant and it is a shame that your ex feels that way as at the end of the day the primary issue is that the children have what they need where they need it. I would maybe try to sway her to that way of thinking as I have to say if I had the clothing inventory to worry about on top of everything else I think it would just tip me over the edge.

We both treat all things with respect and encourage him to look after his possessions i.e. toys and that too includes clothes and shoes etc.

Of course you can buy 'special' items for your girls to wear when they're with you and those things can stay with you if you wish, but if you do that I wouldn't be particularly possessive over them as there may be a time when the child may want to go to other parent in such item (especially if new and they just love it!)...imho if your stbx is being possessive over stuff then setting herself up for a battle if this happens when children are about to leave her care. I certainly wouldn't want to prise clothing off my boy just because I bought it...

I remember one Saturday needing to go out and messaged stbx to see if he had any trousers for our little one as I had none...he said 'yes' - I asked if he could drop some over - he said 'okay'. A few hours later and I was miffed as waiting to go out text again and he said he thought I meant school trousers, so didn't rush...I smile now, but at the time I was not happy sitting at home for hours on a Saturday...that's a point to note, keep your eye on things...

Just my two-penneth...good luck.

My stuff was never good enough for my ex and his gf.
They critisised me so much about my parenting that the day before each contact visit I'd go to tesco and break myself buying each kid a new outfit, new pants and new socks (especially after ex's gf accused me of neglect as daughter was in a vest that was too small).
I dont get any CM either.
Anyway, when my ex used to have the kids (he dont anymore) he'd get them from school and I'd have to send a bag of clothes each, not for them to wear at dads but for them to be brought home in! NOTHING from my ex's was ever allowed back to my house, toys, clothes, nothing..to the point that one day daughter had gone to school wearing tights and I forgot to put socks in her bag to wear with her coming home jeans...and so she was returned minus socks in the middle of winter.
My ex would also buy the kids clarkes shoes to wear the once a month they were at his house while I was forced to send them to school in crappy tesco school shoes...he wouldnt contribute to anything!
It's good to have stuff at both houses but there has to be give and take, decency and common sense!
None of the "this is mine and this is yours" stuff...it's the kids stuff.
Fair enough if a baby is dropped off wearing a baby gap outfit and returned in Primark it's not really on but if the babygap was handed back in a bag washed etc then thats decent!
Lou xx

I don't think it's about labels - I would have been happy if my ex had returned SOME clothes or ones which were seasonally appropriate. At one point, he was taking our eldest on a Saturday in casual clothes and I didn't see him again until after school Wednesday in uniform. The ex denied for months that he had ANY clothing which had come from my house. At one point, I had friends giving me handmedowns as items to lose! With the younger one, he had a habit of returning him in short sleeves in winter and long sleeves in summer, so I had clothes but they were all the wrong ones!

I have no idea if he did it on purpose or whether he genuinely just didn't get it!

I'd say it was probably on purpose although some people do beggar belief.
I remember years ago (about 20 years ago) my eldest's father. He was 10 years older than me but absolutely no common sense (he once changed sons nappy but didnt remember to put another nappy on...I went to pick son up out of crib and h was soaked!).
Anyway, even eldest sons dads parents were iffy about him being left alone with the child.
He always had contact though either with me or my parents or his parents supervising.
So...1 day I had to work an unusual shift and it was school hols (sons dad a teacher which makes this all the more unreal). I asked sons dad if he'd like son for the day while I worked..he said yes so I offered him my flat for the day.
He arrived at 7am..I had laid out spare clothes, nappies, wipes, coat etc as well as my boys lunch (he'd had breakfast).
Got call from sons dad at work in the afternoon saying boy had eaten lunch and that they were going to the park and would meet me there for the handover...fine I thought.
Now to the crux of this story:
I arrived at the park to find my son (then aged about 9 months) sat in his pushchair wearing red pajamas which had weetabix spilled down the front all crusty...they were what he'd worn the night before and were in my dirty wash basket when I'd left for work!...he had no socks on...nor coat, just had a blanket up to waist height...no hat, no mittens...I went beserk but his dad just stared in disbelief...when I asked what on earth our son was dressed in his dad replied that the clothes I'd sent were too complicated and so had hunted for more (dungarees and a T-shirt with poppers underneath!)..I can laugh about this now but he wasnt left in sole charge of our son again until our son was 8!...some people cannot relate to children being dressed appropriately nor can they understand kids "looking nice".
As well as that theres a child minder who does drop offs at my kids school and her kids are dressed like orphans...seriously...shorts and trainers with no socks in winter...no sweatshirts on, they always look dirty (you can always tell which kids shes minding and which are hers) but apparently shes an exellent child care provider.
Everyone has different standards..but yes, some parents use the clothes game as a mind game and it's not fair!
Lou xx