Is it wrong to not get child support from NRP

I split up, after an emotionally abusive marriage, over 2.5 years ago. He was/is a heavy drinker and occasional (I think, only found out later from friends) drug user. I was an emotionally a wreck at that time. I found out the life I thought I had, although awful, well, even that based on big fat lies. So when I asked him to financially support our daughter, and he laughed in my face, I thought, Feck You (in Haways fine words) and... I'll do this myself without him then. I earn alot more than him, so I dont "need" child support. But I am doing the right thing? Am I short changing my daughter, or doesnt it matter? Is is important that NRP financially support their children? Discuss!

as a NRP, dad, myself, I have to say you should.
After my split, it was a tough lump to swallow, but eventually you accept it, it money towards the kids household, it is not just for food, or clothes, it might go towards the gas bill, usually the vodka nd fags bill too, end of the day its in her pot.
That available pot varies from family to family, in some cases it is a worthwhile addition, getting £300 from a NRP if you are on benefits, especially as it is now ignored.
Some mums are workers are may earn 2, 3 or £4k a mnth, the CM, might be a drop in the ocean.
I would say its like a nominal SM payment, once it is there, it may be of help in the future, you never know what is round the corner. If its not there and you need it in the future, its going to be harder to establish.
I am all for NRP's paying to be honest, I also think it should eleviate the state slightly like it used to.
However having said that, each case is different, to some mums, every penny counts, literaly, I heard a story this morning on radio 2.
My ex seems to be able to get through about 6 bottles of vodka a fortnight going on the recycle bag, I couldnt afford that? The kids get farm food stuff and eat plain old rubbish, but I cant change that, i can only make sure they get the best when with me.
Some people are selfish, others are selfless.

You may think you can go it alone, and I give you credit, but it might have been worth setting up a £10 a month say to start with. Laughing in each others face does not solve any problem, or make you feel better for long.

Thanks for your reply bob. I, however, did not laugh in my ex's face. I was actually shaking and hyperventilating at the time! It was 6 weeks after we had split and I said, "you know, you really should be paying something for DD". He laughed, looked down his nose and stormed off. We have never spoken about money since. We have divorced and have a Consent Order, so there is no going back to look at SM.
So I ask again, does it matter that a NRP not contribute financially to their child's upkeep?
I clothe, feed, keep a roof over our heads, etc quite successfully.
Interestingly, he has a gf, and I am almost certain they get child support from her X. It just surprises me that he thinks so little of his daughter that he discounts her.

Morning Chris and Bobbin,
I think it IS important for the NRP to contribute...even if it's a "drop in the ocean"..more so that when the child is an adult they know their absent parent cared enough to provide something.
My dad left my mum penniless with my brother and me..and set up home with another woman (exactly the same set up as my ex did to ME!) with whom he had another child and they all enjoyed a frivolous life.
I was brought up in abject poverty where my biggest treat was a bag of 5p crisps every now and again (and even today I hate drinking water as that was our only choice where my mates had juice!).
If my bio father had taken just 2 holidays a year with his "new" family rather than the 4 they took (usually 2 sunshine holidays, 1 cruise and 1 for their bio child / new wifes other 2 kids which was florida etc)and given my mum something so we could maybe have had a day or 2 at the seaside a year...or a weekend treat then I might not be so bitter towards him now.
My ex does not pay CM to me either...evading it every which way...criminal compliance been investigating for 2.5 years now .
My partner and me provide for the kids...they dont eat farm food stuff, nor do I get through copious bottles of alcohol (the most you'll find in my recycle box on a Monday morning is 1 empty wine bottle amongst the cans of value beans!) and I make sure my kids (much to their disgust) eat salad / veg every day.
Personally, I couldnt live if I had other kids who i knew I could make life better for when I watched the kid (s) I had at home thrive and want for nothing.
Lou xx

Hi Chris,
I don't have any experience of this so I'll just tell you about a friend who would accept nothing from her ex towards her two boys. She has brought them up well, although it was a struggle at times but she had lots of help from her parents. Now both boys are at the stage where a nice lump sum would help to set them up in the present economic climate - finding a flat(eldest)and going to Uni(youngest) and she now thinks she should have taken the money and banked it for such times. People tried to convince her to do that years ago but she resisted just to show she didn't need anything from him.

You might consider banking his contributions for later.

Mitchum x

I recenty caught a bit of an episode of Judge Judy. She berated the PWC for not going after ex spouse for cm on the grounds that this was the child's right not the parent's right. I go with Mitchum, think about taking it and sticking it in the bank.

I think this is a really hard one. If you can manage AND believe that your child is being brought up the way you had hoped for in terms of what they have - toys, clothes, afterschool activities etc. then rocking the boat with an ex who can't be bothered is probably not worth it. Like many others, my ex refuses to pay and I wish I could manage without it. Or at least, I DO manage without maintenance but I have nothing in reserve and am certainly not able to save for my own future. And neither do our children have the things that I had hoped for them. For these reasons, I am purusing maintenance through the CSA.

In an ideal world, both parents would contribute regardless of whether or not one 'side' was able to manage or one 'side' were far better off than the other. If I were a millionaire in my own right, I don't think that fact alone somehow absolves my ex of financially supporting his children. However, in those circumstances, I would be happy to have money put away for their futures or come to some other arrangement for their benefit.


I don't understand why a parent wouldn't want to support their children but in my ex's case, it would seem that financially supporting his children would seriously limit the number of holidays, weekends away, concerts, meals out, bottles of wine and designer clothing he can afford. I struggle to come to terms with this but figure, in the end, it's his conscience, not mine.