XHTB wants a budget for children's expenses?

HI Maccy2

I've seen a solicitor. I've registered interest in two of the properties (one that I contributed £35K to for him to purchase it - and he happens to be living in it and renting out a couple of rooms, which is where the cash that I occasionally receive comes from). The other property I've registered an interest in was the last place we were living in "together", although actually I'd left him following a sexual/violent assault on me (dropped the charges) and he followed me. That property suffered a fire three months after I'd moved out, and has been gutted and is subject to planning applications, etc. He doesn't have the cash to do it up right now.

His biggest problem is that I am in a new relationship (we don't live together) and moreover the relationship is with a woman. He blames her for the break up of our relationship and he has refused to pay me any money for our children on the grounds that he'll be supporting my lifestyle with her (not true - she lives 120 miles away!) and that's my fault.

Fuzzy

I will check out the HB ceiling. I think because my adult son is currently living in the household, it tips the household out of the income brackets, too.

I know - I really HATE claiming benefits, etc. I was not brought up to be dependent on the State and other people's efforts for a free ride. It really sticks in my throat that my children and I are reduced to this when he's sitting on his money and telling me that I've got everything I want and he has nothing.

It's tragic, in fact.

I have a nasty suspicious mind so I can't help but think there may be an underlying motivation here. It will be interesting to see what other more qualified peeps suggest but my inclination is that you don't respond in the terms requested because it may be used to downplay your requirements in the future. I think he's trying to pull a fast one ...

Depending on your ages, length of marriage, assets and debts, ages of children, incomes and pension expectations you may be entitled to claim a great deal more than seems to be on the table.

How about telling him that you will disclose the information required for form E as part of a mutual disclosure of finances with a view to reaching an amicable settlement?

Remember he doesn't have to give you one of those properties - he may have to liquidate some of the assets so you can choose somewhere.

I agree with Pixy. But also maintenance is not about his views on your relationship, it is about his obligations to you and the children.

Hopefully someone who has a lot of legal knowledge about the financial aspects will advise you.

You do not have to defend your new relationship, it is nothing to do with him.

are you aware that the CSA will assume an income from capital valued at over £60k (it might be £65 - something along those lines), aren't you? As such, you could go to the CSA and see what happens with that.

I am inclined to agree with pixy that I would take care in revealing everything at this point but making a point in terms of what the children cost you to include activities, clothing, toys, birthdays, Xmas, parties (theirs and other peoples), mobile phones, Xboxes etc. etc. might come as quite a shock to him. Or not. You never can tell.

Guys - I SO appreciate your experienced and supportive suggestions and advice.

I'm encouraged by what you say.

I'm still wondering whether, in giving XHTB to ball park figure for what the children cost me per calendar month, I should include a proportion of costs such as rent and utilities. Obviously, they need a roof over their head with light, heat, water, etc..

Any thoughts/experience on that particular issue?

I reckon the specific children costs come to an average of £450 pcm. 1/6 of the rent/utilities would bump this up quite considerably by at least £300 pcm. (I've just moved, so can't be quite sure what the new utilities charges will work out at).

When I visited a solicitor in Jan 2010, she suggested that he should be contributing at least £1000 pcm. When I told him this via email, he completely ignored it and carried on paying nothing/when he felt like it.

I'm wary of quoting financial disclosure forms at him - he easily becomes defensive and therefore aggressive. I don't want to shoot myself in the foot and see him hiving all of his assets out of the marriage pot and into his family members' names so that I can't "steal" his money from him (to quote him). He and I are both pretty rubbish at managing money - but I am at least up to date with tax returns/paying tax/self assessment accounts. He hasn't done any proper returns for at least 3 years, so is probably terrified of HMRC getting on his case and having to actually do his accounts in order to make a financial disclosure.

I'm trying to be reasonable, and not obsess about money/a home. There are many more important things in life than them, but I DO need some security for my children. I don't think it's fair that they should be brought up in poverty when, for the sake of me staying with their father in a destructive relationship, they could have pretty much everything they needed and maybe even wanted.

Sigh....

just stop and wait one cotton picking minute here.
We seem to be getting bogged down with other details wich will be involved with the divorce.

Basically he should have been paying you a percentage of his net income, per month depending on how many dependant children you have with him that are at the appropriate age.

It is not really much to do with him what your finances are, although the more horendous they are maybe it might be good to show as mumtoboys said.

All i would do is turn up at the meeting and quote him figures he should be paying, based on your knowledge of his income. he is going to see what he can get out of paying anyhow, so you have little to loose.

If you do a list of expenses he will just waste the time arguing the toss about how much a mobile costs or do they really have to go for these swim lessons etc, and cant you shop at farm foods?

If he doesnt play ball, CSA, they might take 6 months for you, but you dont get much now.