XHTB wants a budget for children's expenses?

Hi all,

My Ex Husband to be has been utterly erratic at giving me any money for our 2 children's upkeep, since I left him 3 years ago.

In a nutshell, he's v wealthy on paper, (lots of assets, but no cash anymore and no income). He's given me £3K in lumps of £500 in cash over these three years, because it appears to depend on how he feels about me (and not about the children) as to whether I get any money for them or not.

The children NEVER stay with him (much to my chagrin and their distress) and he very rarely sees them, on an ad hoc basis if at all - perhaps once every 6 weeks for a few hours at the most.

I'm renting privately (ouch!) and I cover all of the living costs for me and my two children.

My XHTB has just texted me this week asking me for a budget of expenditure on children in advance of us meeting up to talk. I DO hope he actually does commit to this meeting - he has frequently cancelled before.

My question is - what should I include in the "children's budget"?

I am self employed - income before tax/business expenses is probably around £17K. I don't get Tax Credits, HB or any other benefits aside from Child Benefit. My 21 year old, employed son (from another relationship) lives with us, and he contributes something to the rent, as he's officially a tenant too

Should my budget include a proportion of:
Rent
Utilities (gas, water, council tax, electricity, broadband (since they use the internet a lot!)
Petrol for school runs/activities
Extra curricular activities for kids (ballet for DD and swimming for DD and DS)

I'm assuming already that he should pay 50% of
Food for children
School dinners
School uniform/shoes/
Non school shoes (trainers/boots/sandals/slippers)
Non school clothes (coats, mufti, etc)

Am I missing anything obvious from these lists?! TBH, I'm so used to fending for myself without contributions from him, that I spend my money on them as it needs to be spent without thinking "Oh - that's a child related expense and he should be contributing to it".

Re the rent/utilities expenses:
My son is officially liable for £430 of the monthly rent (£1530) but he pays me £380 (or he'd have v little left of his wages for his personal expenses!). So currently my actual rent liability pcm is £1150. My son is planning to move out in September though, leaving me liable for the full £1530 pcm.

So should I "charge" the children's father 1/3 of the £1150 for now, i.e. 383 pcm, or what?!

This is very muddling for me.

Any suggestions/clarifications/ideas would be very much appreciated!

Thank you very much for reading this.

FuzzyBoots

I'm puzzled - are you divorced, do you have a Consent Order? If he has no income surely you should be going after a proportion of the assets in lieu of regular CM?

It also occurs to me that you would be able to claim for housing benefit towards your rent, and possibly tax credits although you say you don't receive these. Have you taken any advice on these?

Hi Pixy,

No we're not divorced yet. I'm getting that started in July. So no consent order or anything like that. We've been going to joint relationship counselling for over a year and it's moving towards becoming mediation (the counselling was to try to understand where we went wrong, rather than to reconcile).

Yes - I imagine that I should be going for a proportion of the assets (he owns 9 houses and 3 other properties, (none in my name) - mostly outright - only a couple with (hefty) mortgages on them).

He lives in one of these houses. 4 others are on the market. He has "become" a property developer of sorts, and all of this other properties are uninhabitable/going through planning applications, etc.. He doesn't want to give me any of these houses (habitable or otherwise) because of the emotional circumstances of our break up and his connecting the houses to aspirations of a nuclear family life with me and the children. Sigh! He's talking about buying me a house (3 bedrooms, because I don't "need" more than that - even though when together we always lived in 4 bed, 3 recep houses).

He has a (moral) liability for paying school fees for his elder daughter from a previous relationship too. Bless her - it's the first time he's regularly committed to paying anything for her benefit.

Hope that clarifies things for you?

Fuzzy

Hi Maccy2,

I was receiving Tax Credits but buggered up reapplying for them last year, so have just had to pay up for an overpayment (my own fault - ADHD disorganisation combined with antipathy to being "on benefits/tax credits"). I am going to reapply for Tax Credits anew!

I don't qualify for HB at the moment, because I have over £8K in my bank account (having cashed in the last of my ISAs) to cover my expenses.

I shall be in a position to claim HB ere long, given the level of my expenses though.

It's very galling, when XHTB has "no money" but DOES manage to go ski-ing, away most weekends, out several nights a week, drives an XKR and has several other cars at his disposal.

Never mind... I am actually more interested in him actually visiting his kids/spending time with them/calling them. Something. Anything. But he finds it too painful...

Fuzzy

Have you seen a solicitor? The assets that you mention do not suggest that he is unable to give you proper financial support, it appears that he is choosing not to though. Have you registered an interest in any of those properties?

My local council only takes savings of over £16k into account. Might be worth double checking this aspect but at the end of the day it doesn't seem right that you should have to claim anything at all!