Shared Care and Children's Expenses

My concern for you is that you can both agree that child maintenance isn't claimed on either side but if your ex is in receipt of the child benefit for both, he could go to the CSA and they would pursue you for maintenance regardless of what was agreed. If it's all agreed and stamped as an Order by the court, you would have a year's grace but after that, the CSA could intervene anyway so you can't rely on an agreement 'sticking' for the long term. With two children, you would be paying 20% of your income out to him which, with your higher expenses anyway, is surely going to tip the balance very much in his favour?

mumtoboys wrote:

My concern for you is that you can both agree that child maintenance isn't claimed on either side but if your ex is in receipt of the child benefit for both, he could go to the CSA and they would pursue you for maintenance regardless of what was agreed. If it's all agreed and stamped as an Order by the court, you would have a year's grace but after that, the CSA could intervene anyway so you can't rely on an agreement 'sticking' for the long term. With two children, you would be paying 20% of your income out to him which, with your higher expenses anyway, is surely going to tip the balance very much in his favour?

Yes, I have to say that I have some concerns about that too, and it does rely on us both acting in good faith.

However, if he were to do that, which I think would be rather naughty, my understanding is that I could at that point make a counter claim on the child benefit, and ask that it be awarded to me, given that I have a greater share of the care of the children, the children are registered at my address for the GP, school, etc. Hopefully at that point I would become PWC, which would stop this from happening.

Or do you still think it's risky?

Sometimes you have to take a chance in life and I think that if you can agree all the other financial stuff then dont worry about the CM.

As you said f he does try to claim Cm then you claim CB.

Forgive me, I am way too long in the divorce tooth to trust anyone! What is to stop your ex changing the address with the school, GP etc.? After all, as he is in receipt of the child benefit etc. he would be considered the parent with care from a legal perspective (I think? Opinions?) until such a time as that changed (you getting awarded child benefit). If you are reliant on the addresses as a form of evidence you are actually the parent with the majority of care, I would worry he would work this out and simply change them.

What happens when he gets a new partner and she gets involved? Many perfectly reasonable situations over children and finances have gone south the minute someone new gets involved...

As I say, my experiences make me very suspicious and leave me unable to trust an ex to do the right or moral thing! I feel you are leaving yourself open to problems - but I do recognise that at some level, you need to trust and give it a go for the sake of a decent shared care arrangement which will, undoubtedly, be in the best interests of the children. Good luck!

If he is claiming CTC he is probably entitled to claim 70% of the cost of childcare if it is registered and he pays it rather than you.

Might be worth looking into?

mumtoboys wrote:

Forgive me, I am way too long in the divorce tooth to trust anyone! What is to stop your ex changing the address with the school, GP etc.? After all, as he is in receipt of the child benefit etc. he would be considered the parent with care from a legal perspective (I think? Opinions?) until such a time as that changed (you getting awarded child benefit). If you are reliant on the addresses as a form of evidence you are actually the parent with the majority of care, I would worry he would work this out and simply change them.

Yes, I agree that he could do that. However, my understanding is that if there were a dispute over CB, the fact that I have the children for a greater percentage of the time means that I would get awarded it, even if he had gone ahead and changed addresses (which I first check and change back...).

I completely take on board your concerns and believe me, I feel them myself. Trouble is, ex feels hard done by, even by any agreement which on the face of it, seems fair, and sol is egging him on (and lining his pockets handsomely).

If this is ever going to end, I'm probably going to have to agree to something I don't feel completely happy with. And I also realise, through lurking on these boards, that for some people, it never "ends"...

Sorry you've had such a rough time of it, it feels especially irksome when you feel like you're trying to do the right thing.

WYSPECIAL wrote:

If he is claiming CTC he is probably entitled to claim 70% of the cost of childcare if it is registered and he pays it rather than you.

Might be worth looking into?

Thanks for that - that would be an ideal solution (if ex agreed, which is another story).

Trouble is, Son has Asperger's Syndrome and couldn't handle the usual after school care set up, so we eventually had to take him out as it was becoming unmanageable for everyone.

We found someone to come to the house and that works reasonably well, but she isn't registered, and won't register because she thinks it's too much hassle. So I'd have to find someone new (and change is always an issue with Asperger's, so you can imagine with the divorce, etc. that it's not a happy time), who is registered, can handle an Asperger's child who can have quite violent meltdowns, and all this in a small town.

If all that worked, then I could use the salary sacrifice scheme at work, which would already cut down my costs since I'd be paying pre-tax, and it wouldn't be so much of an issue.

Honestly, some days I think I found the list of top 20 stresses in life and mixed it up with my to do list!