Shared Care and Children's Expenses

Hi
Being a little cynical in nature I share mtb's concerns.
One thing that I did pick up on a little in your posts is that you mention your ex's solicitor, but not your own, is the assumption that you don't have one correct ?
Please remember that your ex's solicitor is exactly that and is interested in getting the best deal he can for his client (your ex). It might be a good idea to speak to a solicitor and get their view on the proposed settlement.

LB

mumtoboys - totally agree with your sentiments.

Everything can be agreed and then new partner gets involved............I have had a year of hell due to new partner. I was absolutely delighted, over the moon that my ex had found a woman to shack up with, but then they split, then got back together, then I think because of her insecurities (he has enough of his own!) she has had to be fully involved with finances, when he spoke to our kids, nightmare.

He always said that, "whateva" he would always support me and our kids financially and emotionally. Moving in with other woman put a stop to that!

All sorted now, but total estrangement from our kids - worst year ever, but all over now.

sillywoman wrote:

mumtoboys - totally agree with your sentiments.

Everything can be agreed and then new partner gets involved............I have had a year of hell due to new partner. I was absolutely delighted, over the moon that my ex had found a woman to shack up with, but then they split, then got back together, then I think because of her insecurities (he has enough of his own!) she has had to be fully involved with finances, when he spoke to our kids, nightmare.

He always said that, "whateva" he would always support me and our kids financially and emotionally. Moving in with other woman put a stop to that!

All sorted now, but total estrangement from our kids - worst year ever, but all over now.

Its worth remembering that its not always the new partner causing issues.

From either party's point of view the dynamics have changed and one could perhaps feel a little jealous that the other is moving on quicker than they are.

There is anxiety to how these new partners interact with the children and some people can feel 'replaced' in the childrens lives.

Yes, things can change when a new partner comes on the scene, but each party can be at fault and/or cause issues, it is unfair just to simply point the finger at the new partner.

To the OP - you've received a lot of great advice. Also remember that any action (to safeguard your own position) can very well cause a reaction from your ex. What is now a fairly amicable situation can escalate into all out war rather quickly.

LB gave top advice - seek legal advice.

WR x

What I am trying to say is that on his own my ex was reasonable and a decent enough father.

Once he started living with another woman, the problems began.

I don't mean the woman he lives with caused the problems, just that he thought he could ride rough shod over me and the kids.

For what reason I don't know.

But as I said before, a few court appearances later and all sorted.

how would it work out financially if you kept the child benefit for one and paid him 15% of your earnings, as per CSA calculations? would that even things up or still tip the balance a bit too much in his favour?

Lostboy67 wrote:

Hi
Being a little cynical in nature I share mtb's concerns.
One thing that I did pick up on a little in your posts is that you mention your ex's solicitor, but not your own, is the assumption that you don't have one correct ?
Please remember that your ex's solicitor is exactly that and is interested in getting the best deal he can for his client (your ex). It might be a good idea to speak to a solicitor and get their view on the proposed settlement.

LB

Hi LB,
I had a solicitor up until a few weeks ago, but decided to self-rep when I could see that this had the potential to drag on for months and was simply turning into a bun fight. So the original deal was something that we worked out while I still had a solicitor. When his solicitor started chipping away at it, mine originally suggested agreeing to the changes simply to get it over with and move on. However, there was always one more letter, and one more change.

I got to a point where 1) I personally felt I had made too many compromises and 2) I couldn't afford to keep paying my solicitor.

As I'm buying my ex out of his share of the FMH, he has a lump sum to play with in terms of paying his solicitor, I've just got a massive mortgage!

Have you tried mediation? Bit cheaper than solicitors and definitely better than court.

At mediation you get a chance to put across many issues at once rather than each issue in isolation.

As to the cynical aspect when I was going through a divorce it made me very cynical. 15 years on I realised that we were both as bad as one and another and if we had just talked it would have be sorted much quicker and saved a lot of money!!!