Shared Care and Children's Expenses

Hi there,

Wonder if anyone is in a similar situation and can share their experiences.

Ex and I have two children, 9 and 11. We have a shared care situation which works out to the kids spending 55% of their time with me, and 45% of their time with him.

Ex earns about 1600/month, me about 2900. I had originally agreed to give him CB and CTC for both kids, but am now having some misgivings about this, as it effectively makes me the NRP, even though I have them for more time (and there are other implications, but that's another post!). If he does keep CB/CTC, that brings his income up to 2k/month.

In any case, we had originally agreed that no maintenance would be paid by either of us, and we would split expenses (e.g. school uniforms, school trips, etc.) 50/50, then ex's solicitor said 66/33 would be fairer given the income disparity, but he would accept 60/40.

So, the question (finally): does anyone else have a shared care situation where they share expenses rather than go the maintenance route and, if so, on what basis did you do the split? It would seem that you could do it on the basis of care (e.g. we each have equal care, so equal responsibility for their expenses) or income (e.g. one of us earns more, so should pay more).

I'd appreciate any views!

50/50 shared care is a difficult situation with regards to CM, as the CSA doesnt seem to recognise it and will always assume that the parent in receipt of child benefit is PWC and assume they should get the CM, Not sure what the situation would be when you are actually having the children more of the time but not recieving CB.

AConsent Order agreeing to no maintenance payments is only valid for a year after that the PWC could decide to claim for CM and the other party will have to pay according to the rules.

One around this as there are two children is for each parent to claim CB for one of the children.

Have you used the CM calculator to work out how much CM each of you should pay if either of you were the NRP (hope that makes sense??) and then you agree to pay the difference?

Thanks for that - yes, I am proposing that we each claim CB for one child, but the ex thinks that he should receive CB and CTC for both children due to the fact that his income is lower. My main concern is that this leaves me as the NRP. One implication is that our son has just been diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome and is in principle eligible for DLA, but I cannot apply because I don't have the CB, he would have to apply, and I don't think he would be able to navigate the forms (I'm the one going to the support groups, doing the training, etc.).

Your idea of checking the CSA to see the difference in CM is a good one, and it's not much: about £60/month that I would have to give him, which is do-able.

However, it doesn't (at least for me) solve the problem of who buys what: I seem to be the one buying the school shoes (pricey!), uniforms, paying for lessons, etc.: if I paid him CM, would he be expected to pay for those things or would we share expenses? The logistics of the situation mean that I'm usually the one doing the clothes shopping, etc.

So just wondering what other people do in this situation, and how they divide up expenses? Or do people tend to go the CM route, even with shared care?

Thanks!

The consensus seems to be that each person is responsible for the needs of the children when they have them.

So if you have them two school days your responsible to provide two days of worth of school clothes etc.

If you are receiving cm then the cm is to pay for the children's expenses and its reduced by contact because then the other person has the expense.

So I would say you will pay the £60 provided every expense is shared 50/50 or say wont give you x amount but will pay for shoes, school clothes.

If you were the PWC even though your ex income is lower he would be expected to pay CM. What he is actually trying to claim is spousal maintenance to equal the incomes out and that a whole different ball game.

Thanks for that - there seems to be no room for negotiation with my ex or his sol, alas, but I'll try.

I'm curious though: I understand that each person pays for the needs of the children when they have them, but what about "big ticket" items, like the school trip that costs £200? My question was whether anyone has an agreement where they share on a proportional basis or whether people split these 50/50?

Thanks!

I think 'big ticket' items are definitely something you need to have provision for and in most cases this would be a shared expense.

Although some would argue thats what maintenance is for. (it depends on what side of the fence you are!!)

You are in an unusual position, having the majority of care but technically not being the PWC.

Just because you earn more doesnt automatically mean you should be paying your ex any extra.

You need to look at the bigger picture, what is happening regarding the rest of your assets? Who is remaining in the FMH, what happening with pensions. All of these things will impact on whether you should be giving your ex extra money.

I think if things were amicable that it would make sense for your ex-husband to have the CB and WFTC for both children and there to be no CM with each parenting agreeing and contributing to expenses. He earns less and would be entitled to more WFTC so overall there would be more money.

However, you say there is no room for negotiating and each parent claiming CB and WFTC for one child would maintain an equilibrium. It is then down to negotiating who pays what although the bottom line is each parent decides how to spend the money they receive. It isn't possible to force a parent to pay for something they don't regard as necessary or want to pay for.