what is fair? a survey on csa

Well, I don't know exactly how much he is earning. But I do know enough about his lifestyle and extremely large purchases he has made running into thousands.
I know he used to earn appx 1,000 a week (albeit not all of this was declared).
Now all of a sudden he is claiming he earns 450 per month from his business and then extra from rental income!!!! This has all been since the affair/divorce proceedings!!!

No it is not fair. This whole scenario is riddled with unfair, but as I put in my original forum I just wanted figures, so I could go back to him and say, WEll I know generally xzy person pays a lot more for their children, in general terms, not naming x,z,y of course!

Irrespective of his earnings, which are greater than mine incidentally, there are 3 small children here and surely, I would have thought that most of you would see that £20.00 per week is minimal (albeit I know some of you get nothing), for which I do empathize.

Plus if he was giving a fairer amount then I would not have to continually have to keep asking for half towards things, albeit I don't get it anyway

Survive
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Hi Gene,

Thanks for your reply. Just wanted to add - yes they overnight Fri, SAt,Sun night alternate weekends. tHen Mon and Thur night either side of the weekend they are with me.
Half of all holidays. He has taken this into account in his payment as I checked with CSA as to the calculation.

I have even asked him if he woulkd like to pay any of the fees direct incase he thinks I may be benefitting

Survive
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the problem with asking what we get (I get £0 but am assessed at £91 per week which is 3 children on roughly a £25k salary, ex is self employed and earned about 3 x that when we were together) is that different NRPs have different incomes. Someone on minimum wage would find £60 a week an awful lot, whereas for someone on £100k a year, it's nothing at all. I know you want to compare but it's really going to prove very difficult because we will struggle to know which of us has a similar lifestyle to you!

For what it's worth, the man is controlling you and I think you really, really have to work on getting free of that. You have no obligation whatsoever to update him on what happened at last week's football practise - he can ask the children himself if he's that bothered. I would hazard a guess he's not bothered one little bit - he just wants you on the end of a phone or a computer tapping away so he knows you're thinking about him and not getting on with your life.

I can only suggest that you cut back on activities and explain to the children that as mum and dad are now separated, there is less money to go around. They won't like it (and it'll make you feel dreadful) but remember they will also have a go at him at the same time. You don't have to blame him, just be clear that money is an issue. Your ex can then decide whether or not he's going to step in. If he doesn't, he doesn't. It's not your fault - long term (and you do have to think long term), the children will know exactly which of their parents did their best and which one couldn't be bothered.

I am sorry we can't help you in the way you want us to - but £60 a week is reasonable for some, too much for others, too little for yet others!

My ex should pay me £300 pcm, I personally thought this was excessive and we agreed on £180 (for one child) as I calculated this was really all I wanted or needed as a contribution providing he stumps up half for school trips, and activities etc so even with the agreed reduction it still works out at £40 a week..

I guess I am in a more fortunate position of being able to make that negotiation. If I wasn't earning the salary I do, I know things would be different and I would want/need the whole amount.

I am still careful with what activities I agree to and trips I allow as I think my son needs to learn he can't always do or have everything that he wants. He is 12 and earns pocket money so if there was anything he really wanted to do, he contributes (just a little). This set up works for us, but I really do appreciate I am one of the lucky ones..

I think its worth pointing out that child support isn't just about money, its also about emotional and practical support, not to mention the time Dad spends with the children (you can't buy time).

When one parent fails to step up to the mark, then its down to the other parent to do the best they can - none of us want to be in the position where the other parent is failing to deliver, but it does happen and we need to accept that we can't be responsible for someone else's behaviour and lack of responsibility. We can only be responsible for our own.

Life often deals us a tough hand, finding the strength to cope and get on with the situation isn't easy, but its all we can do.

Survive, about those figures; I can see your reasoning behind asking for them, but as each situation is different, I don't think you can apply what one, two, three etc RPs receives to your own situation. Gene made a good point in his post about the mortgage being paid as well as you receiving CM - there are those that receive nothing at all in terms of general child support, financial or otherwise.

I have to agree with Ruby, one of the reasons I did agree a lower rate was that my ex was kicking up such a fuss and it was affecting his relationship with his son, (the csa were definitely screwing him over) and it was more important to promote and salvage the relationship with our son and over the last two years I have seen the benefits to my son.

Money (or lack of it) I know, can put so much pressure on a situation and make it ten times worse than it need be especially if one parent thinks they are due more than the other parent can give. (I also know some parents are very good at not declaring their true earning).

Survive.

The average salary is approx £28,000 and that works out to be approx £1600 net pay per month.

So 25% of that would be £400, subtract 2/7 for overnight contact = £280.

So I would say your ex is paying about average.