what is fair? a survey on csa

Hi Wiki's, just a quick question pleasze to all you RP's (whether you be male of female)

My stbx pays me £20.00 per week per child. I have 3.(voluntary CSA)
I have asked him numerous times to share costs with me for all the childrens extras - clubs, sporting fees/subs, rainbows, dancing fees, school trips, birthday parties - which he attends, tuition fees, school residential tripos etc etc. So far have recived nothing in last 2 months and am very out of pocket, as lots of renewals to pay for.

He thinks that he contributes fairly each month and that I should ' think myself lucky'. £20.00 per week does not even cover their food, let alone anything else! I work, part time and am increasing my hours, he is self employed and as we all know declared one thing on paper to the real figure. He takes the children to cinema, eating out, visit to the grotto etc (all the 'nice' bits)


Now I know that some of you Wiki's receive nothing, but I would just like to know, cash terms what most of you receive, as he has said I should ask others in my situation.
I do not receive any SM and at the moment he pays the mortgage on what is still the family home of less than 100 per month.

I would appreciate your feedback
Thanks
Survive
x

Hi Survive

Legally, he is obliged to provide 25% of his net income for 3 children, anything over and above that for extras would be by agreement.

Sometimes its worth thinking about which activities etc could be pared down to fit in with what's in your pocket, although I know that seems unfair on the children.

You ask about what in cash terms others receive, well I receive £0 per month/year, and have had to make changes to what I can afford for my daughter to do, as well as making sacrifices so she doesn't miss out on important school trips.

It might be worthwhile approaching the school and seeing if they have reduced rates for trips, clubs etc for those on a low income.

Thanks Ruby,

AS i put in my post I know some of you receive nothing. Yes, legally he is obliged to pay 25% less all the reductions for overnight stays. But 25% less reductions of a falsely declared salary is £20.00 per week.

I just wanted to know who did receive CSA and what amount so I can make a comparison.

I too, have made lots of sacrifices, enabling the children to continue their activities. I have cut back on things with them, e xtra money for treats, not going on all the school outings etc (providing they were not isolated e.g this years panto).

But things like my sons tutor, that he had, which has stopped now due to the exam being finished and something esle for a medical condition, I have bot received towards.
I have looked to cut back on their clubs, but most are out of school e.g playing football for a team, dancing, amongst other things, there are a few more but I don't want to say too much.
Why should the children miss out, through no fault of their own, just because of their fathers actions. When he is blatantely throwing money about in my face on various things.


Survive
x

survive,
the problem is, there is so little you can do other than live with it. He contributes what he contributes and that's it. If he won't contribute more, then the activities need to be pared down. It's not the children's fault and I agree, why on earth should they have to put up with that if dad is able to afford it but if the alternative is you don't pay essential bills or put food on the table, I'm not sure what the answer is.

He has no conscience - or he'd be paying in line with CSA rates - but you can't change that. I spent sooooo long expecting my ex to do what was right that it got in the way of 'moving on'. Now I accept he'll do the opposite of anything I ask, so I don't ask. I just do and I do within my means and I leave him out of it. It's the 'don't ask for credit as a refusal will offend' you see in corner shops - he's not going to change, so you have to make things work as best you can.

You cant really make comparisons, Survive, as each case is different, and calculated on the NRP's net income , and any variations they are entitled to claim.

I know you don't' want the children to miss out, but there will come a point when you are making a choice between food and paying for dancing lessons

I think you need to ignore what your ex is doing with his money, and focus on you and your children. It is hard, but there is little you can do to change another's sense of responsibility.

Thanks mum and Ruby, I appreciate your feedback.

He attends their birthday parties that I have paid for, takes them to their activities alternate weekends, that I pay for. It is very hard not to accept, when he expects me to legally inform him of every single event, sport, show, concert etc, and that I am paying for it all.

Mum - i do understand your comment about it from preventing me from moving on. But I just feel 20.00 per week is taking the pixx.

I did just want to compare, either what rp receive or what the non rp pay as this would give me a guide. I do appreciate every situation is different, but in his words I really don't think that he is making a fair contribution.

I understand if Wiki's don't want to put the amount on a forum, so please pm me if need be.

Thanks
Survive
x

Hi survive,
My husband pays 25% of net with reductions for our children and the nights his children stay with us. Originally he paid a lot more, about 1.5 times what he pays now through the CSA, but after his ex refused to attend mediation for finances and access he started to change his stance.
Now, as others have stressed, this is our stance alone. It came about as a result of getting absolutely nothing from the FMH for the next 13 years (mesher) so he has had to take on new loans to 'start again'. He has also been obliged to take on the £11k marital debt as he was judged to be able to pay rather than her. The children's mum claims all the WTC, CTC and CB (in excess of £1110pcm.) My husband is never invited to any parties or advised of school events in spite of his sol requesting this but we do feel that, as we pay CM and she keeps all the benefits, we are actually doing our fair share to contribute towards the kids upbringing. We do pay more than your ex but it is still 25%. The only extra we pay more is the kids mobile phone and this was only as phone contact was being obstructed.