unbelievable!!

Hi Wiki''s,

I had to e.mail ex re various events with the children - all falling in his contact time and holidays etc... all ok except

one child has asked to go camp for a week in the summer with a group they attend. The week is in his contact with the child, therefore I told him about it and said I would give daughter the form for him to complete and return with the payment if he is happy for it to take place!!

The deposit was due before half term, I explained to the organiser that I was just waiting to hear from the childs dad and could it wait until after half term, no problem.

I have now had an e.mail saying that I push all costs over to him!!! (he pays for ABSOLUTELY NOTHING the children do, and they do a lot, but I have accepted that)
And he says because the deposit and payment due date falls on a day which is my contact day, then I should pay.

So he expects me to pay for my child to go somewhere for a whole week when she is with her dad.

I pay for everything else, whether the children are with their dad or not, club fees, school trips, uniform, kit etc etc

But I''m sorry I draw the line here!!!!!Ohterwise I could throw back at him, that certain renewal fees are due when he has them... is he going to pay? Of course not!

I was just going to reply by saying that she is with him that week, if he wants her to go, then he can arrange it (he has the form) -

Do you think this is the right approach??

Survive

Does he pay any child maintenance for the children?

yes, 20 pw and makes a reduction for when he has the children

Oh dear survive

I know what you mean & know it is wrong but sometimes those NRP just won''t pay anything (anything) & you wonder if it is worth asking for the angst is causes plus the face that if he has to pay he will either:

1 take it from the CM payments (if any)
Or
2 she won''t be able to go because he won''t pay, but I can bet that won''t be the reason given

It makes you mad but that is the crux of it tbh.

I have a child with a phone that won''t work, sim problem, Contract under X''s name & I''m just guessing here but think the payment has been missed (regardless that child pays for it in advance!) knew it would happen it was just a matter of time.

We live & learn.

Sorry I cannot be much help, agree with you totally but in my case & poss yours it''s just the way it goes.

JJx

Think your approach will cause more conflict and upset. With him saying to child they can''t go because of you and you saying same about him.

Can I ask how you approach requesting him to pay for extras? Are you unintentional making the request sound a demand rather than a discussion as to whether the child should attend or not.

My partners ex puts my partner back up every time she asks for extras (and they are quite amicable) because she has already made the decision told the children they are doing it then asks for the money giving my partner no choice and if he says no even if he has a perfectly valid reason so he appears the bad guy.

I have long ag given up asking for any extras at all - nothing. I used to ask and always got a no! I tried asking for half once towards a renewal of aclub, but he simply said No ( so the children had to stop doing it)

I have posted many a time on this similar issue over the last few years and have resigned myself to the fact that either I pay or they don''t do it.

However because my daughter is with him for the week that the camp is taking place, firstly I could not just arrange for her to go ( as it is his contact time, so thought I would let him know, give him the form and leave it with him)- trying to step back a bit here to reduce all this

But his justification of the payment is due on a date when she is physically with me, therefore I should pay is just utter rubbish.

I could fire back that fees, renewals etc also fall on days that he is with them... but that is just plain silly.

He does not give me moeny for the children for when I don''t have them. And I don''t ask him for other monies that I pay when they are with him like competition entries, dancing exams etc etc but this is a holiday.

It''s a bit like me saying I''m taking one of my children on a sports event over a long weekend, my contact, but the payment was due when the children were with him. Do I expect him to pay... of course not.

Do you think he is actually unhappy about child going then but instead of being an adult and saying that he is trying to make you bad guy ''''because you won''t pay" therefore he can shrug his shoulders to child and say mum stopping you.

Which child is it? Can you have adult conversion with child and explain situation and engage them in process with dad?