Changing daughters surname

But it isn't your ex's right that his daughter has his name, it is her right, and though I hope very much that it doesn't happen, it may be the only thing she has left by which to remember him in the future.

You may wish your new man was her father, but he isn't, and to give her his name is misleading and dishonest: this is not who she is.

Don't take my word for it; try to read the things said by children in this situation once they reach adulthood.

If your ex doesn't want to be involved in his daughter's life that is very much to his shame, but there's little you can do about it (the courts can't order a parent to have contact). Don't compound your daughter's loss by taking her name away as well.

perhaps when you get married your new partner could change his name to yours?

then you all have the same name and your doughter doen't have to change hers, no legal problem: job done.

a tad modern perhaps but no reason why not....

Forsetti, my daughters name is the same as mine, not my ex's. So she doesn't have that link anyway. I'm not changing her name to try and fool her into thinking my partner is her real dad, because she will always know that he isn't.
But I don't see the point in keeping her name different, just incase one day in the future, my ex can be bothered to see her, which isn't likely.
Jamais, it's not likely that my partner would change his name to mine if we got married, as he is one of the last males in the family and the name is dying out

Just because you don't change your name to your husband's doesn't mean any children you have together can't have his surname.

AnnoyedMummy wrote:

I'm not changing her name to try and fool her into thinking my partner is her real dad, because she will always know that he isn't.

AnnoyedMummy wrote:
I am using my new partners name, as he is more of a dad to my daughter than my ex will ever be.
My daughter calls my partner dad, and my ex is just known by his first name.
Like i said before, me and my partner have been together for almost 2 years (1 year and 9 months to be exact) and we were together well before my daughter was even born.
Me and my partner do plan on marrying in 2012. It's not an offical date as of yet though.
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AnnoyedMummy wrote:
We already use my partners surname for my daughter, we have done for a little while now, it just hasn't been officially changed. So her name is the same as my partners at the docters, with the childminder, in her red book, and pretty much anything else, apart from things that need legal documentation, such as her bank account, and her passport.
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Sorry but you are trying to rewrite your daughters life to suit you and what you want from your new family.

Your daughter is 14 months old and you've been with your new partner for at least 21 months. You stated your ex left when you were 6 weeks pregnant.

So in the space of a couple of weeks you and your partner separated and you got together with your new partner who you decided was a suitable father and long term prospect. Your ex was then written out of the picture and I do suspect you did in fact do some pushing there despite the fact you state you didn't.

So much so that even though you aren't married and won't be doing so for another 3 years are already using his name, registering your child with the doctors etc under his name (everything bar bank account and passport) and allowing your child to call him daddy and only refer to her actual daddy by his first name.

Can you seriously see nothing whatsoever wrong with this scenario? You obviously feel you are untouchable in this idealised story that I can't help but wonder why you've bothered to post on here at all.

T

Broken Britain

GH

Annoyed mummy

I do sympathise with you for wanting a "family" all with the same name. However, life doesn't always pan out that way. Your relationship may work and last forever or it may not. Changing your daughters name to someone's not biologically connected is not something to be done without considering the long term affects of this. What if this relationship breaks down and you meet someone new and want to marry them? Will you change your daughters name again?

I work in a school. I have seen people marry, change their kids names and a couple of years down the line it all goes sour. The kids don't want the step dads name any more because he's horrible to mum, etc.

Life isn't a fairy tale. Sorry.