Changing daughters surname

nbm1708.
Yes, me and my new partner did get together only a short while after me and my ex had split up, but I don't see what that has got to do with any of this.
I'm not trying to write my ex out of the picture, because like I have said before, he is my little girls dad, and is always going to be around.

I did not push him to stop seeing his daughter, he hasn't been interested.
He was notified of her birth the day she was born, and came to see her at 3 days old. He never bothered with her untill she was 9 months old, and I got a letter saying he was taking me to court. This was back in April of this year. He started to see her, up untill August of this year, when he again stopped seeing her.

Why is it of harm, that i'm changing my daughters for her to have the same name as her mum and step-dad in the future.

Image my name was Smith, my partners Brown and my ex's Jones. I don't change her name and we leave it.

Me and my partner get married and become Mr and Mrs Brown. My daughter stays Miss Smith and my ex Mr Jones. How confusing would that be for her? For one, she would have a different name from her mum, her dad AND her step-dad. Do you not think this is worse over all?

AnnoyedMummy wrote:

nbm1708.
Yes, me and my new partner did get together only a short while after me and my ex had split up, but I don't see what that has got to do with any of this.
I'm not trying to write my ex out of the picture, because like I have said before, he is my little girls dad, and is always going to be around.

Then why do you allow your daughter to call your new partner daddy and your ex and her actual daddy by his first name? You seriously don't think that confuses a child under two?

You seem to want everyone to tell you what you're doing is a good and right thing and I'm sorry but I for one can't.

T

AnnoyedMummy,

I've just read this whole thread with great interest as I am a step-dad in a similar situation to you. This is my story and I tell it only to demonstrate what happened, not to judge you or try to predict what may happen in your life. Read and digest, then decide what you want to do yourself but please do bear in mind your daughter is 14 months old now and has no say in the matter.

I met my current partner 6 years ago when her daughter was 18 months old. She had her mothers surname and had no contact with her father (he didn't believe she was his as their relationship was a short one - DNA for the CSA proved he was but he still didn't want to know). We moved in together and I became a father figure to the little one. I choose not to be called Daddy by her and encouraged my partner to re-establish contact with the little girls father for her sake. Eventually we did, he had married and was settled but agreed he needed to be part of her life. We introduced contact slowly from about age 3 and now we are all good friends. He now has 2 children of his own whom she sees regularly and everyone gets along fine. There are 3 different surnames in play, two of which will get hyphenated when we marry and everyone is happy. I am still the main male influence in her life and she sees me as such, her biological father is happy for this to be the case and he and I talk about her up bringing together when we meet. Imagine though, what would have happened if we'd changed the little girls name to mine when we first met............

Just some food for thought, you are the child's mother and ultimately you must do what you believe is right for her.

Good luck,
Smias

smais, I think your the only person on this board who hasn't made a rash judgment and jumped down my throat about it. Thankyou for your comment.
I do understand what your all saying, but my partner WANTED to be called daddy, and he has been there since before my daughter was born. He was the one that held my hand through the birth and has been there for the sleepless nights. My ex couldn't have cared less about his daughter.

This is the way I see it. My ex is my daughters FATHER, by my partner is her daddy.
Anyone can be a father, but it takes a special person to be a daddy.
My ex wasn't around, so it wasn't confusing for my daughter to call my partner daddy.
Now he is back in the picture, i'm not about to change the fact she calls my partner daddy, as THAT would be confusing. She will have it explained to her when she is older that my partner isn't her real daddy, and it will be for her to decided, but for now, he's called daddy.
As for her surname, it's done. Her name has officialy been changed by Deed Poll from my name to my partners. My solicitor knows about it.

One quick question, do I need to send my ex a letter to inform him of the name change?
Thanks

Why bother?

So AM,
You've come on here and asked advice totally ignored it and now your asking more advice..lol why? did you not tell you ex before you changed it?
So let me get this right you've changed your daughters surname from yours to another mans name who incidently your not marrying for another two years(apparently)and is not the father of the child and now your asking shall i tell my ex that i've done this!!!...YES , NO , not as if your going to take any notice anyway.

Please do tell us tho when/if your forced to change it back.

GH

Whatever names you use to avoid confusion your D needs to know now about her true parentage because children who are raised in insecurity about their parentage tend to have low self esteem leading to emotional difficulties and problems with relationships in adulthood.