Divorce is good ....

Ruth,you have summed up exactly what I have been saying,but with different words...

I never wanted a divorce but due to his actions,we did.That has impacted on all of our lives,and nobody can tell my daughters or my grandson that divorce is good(unless there is abuse involved)my divorce has impacted on my eldest in as much she has stated she will never marry her long term partner,she has no contact with her Dad,so is that good ???

Each and everyone of us has our own take on divorce,and I cannot expect others to take the same take as myself,also likewise I would not to influence anyone that this is how you should or should not feel either.I know that this has provoked much feeling and I personally have had messages from people asking"Why don''t I feel like the others,why do I feel so bad"
Simple answer ..because we are all on our own individual journey...

There are many like myself who don''t think that divorce is good,but yes acceptance of the situation is a totally different thing,and many are at that in our lives,and living with it..

My way,your way,his way or her way is up to us all,and I cannot nor should any other say that this is what you have to do,and how to do it...As Ruth said,we will all get to where we need to be,when our time is right and not before....
And that will take as long as it takes...

Afon...

I agree Afon.

I am not enjoying being alone with few friends and little possibility of making any new ones due to age and the fact that I''m not a social animal and have few interests in life. I''m isolated from one daughter who lives in another country and from the other who has her own life and interests. So I feel absolutely superfluous . Possibly better than being in a bad relationship but still hard.

I agree with Winterfrost & Afron.

I did not want a divorce, my husband just ''fell out of love'' with me, we ''grew apart''Divorce is far too easy a trap to fall into without first exhausting all efforts to make the marriage work. In a disposable society it feels like relationships are as easy to disregard. Relationships and people do change but you go into a marriage eyes open knowing that you are committed to working through your differences and making them work.

Are either of us happier now? The answer would categorically be no. He has done and said things so rashly which he now can''t take back and is now having to live with the consequences. I am just collateral damage learning to live with the new reality I''ve had thrust upon me. Sure there are lessons learned and I will come out of the other side stronger / wiser but that doesn''t subtract from the sad ending of a marriage.

So is divorce good because you no longer love eachother or weren''t happy in yourselves? I my instance I don''t believe so because feelings are in a constant state of flux, there were times when I didn''t feel I was ''in love'' with my stbx - that is when I threw myself into the marriage even more and learned to see / appreciate him more because of it. It takes time, courage and commitment to make a marriage work and (abuse / bad behaviour aside) the ending of such a union is nothing but sad.

Again, perfectly put. If its a good thing then all my belief in marriage was wrong.
My stbx did some outrageuos things that I forgave him for. If either of us should be rejoicing about getting divorced it should be me, but im sure he is a lot happier (apart from the money side)about it than I am. He would not talk, mediate, seek help. But for him, divorce was an easy option. It meant he didnt have to face his problems, just walked away. I do feel if he was heavily penalized for lack of mediating then we may have made progress one way or another.It all feels very much like part of the disposable society we find ourselves in these day.

I agree .... My Stbx just abandoned me for another woman... When I asked why... He said he was the most selfish person he knew, he had no remorse and would probably end up a lonely old man
He stayed a few more days and then left ... When I asked why he did t say , why he didn''t give us a chance as I had no idea... He said truthfully I couldn''t stay and see the hurt I was putting you through ... So he left as quickly as he could as he couldn''t cope with the devastation he caused... Do why couldn''t he work at his marriage....
I hate divorce and I didn''t ask for this, but I need to get through this as I''m sure I deserve something better .... But I miss what I had

You do deserve better Rusty00 and im hoping karma will have something to say one day. My stbx just kept saying, I dont know. His family are just collateral damage left behind. Cowards most of them.
Be strong and be good to yourself.

Totally agree...absolute spineless cowards. I don''t think they even see or realise the collateral damage that they have left in their wake...they are apparently ''living the dream'' what ever that is! Having said that i feel i have had a lucky escape...no more red letters, bills are paid on time and i have a healthy bank account, for now at least, this may change come the financial settlement.
I think Declan has opened up a can of worms with this thread! It has been interesting reading peoples different views on DIVORCE.