Lower lows

I am 10 months in and seem to have much better days and they can last maybe 3 or 4 days at a time now. I genuinely feel on top of things and quite optimistic during these times.

Recently though after about 3 or 4 days I can feel emotion building and I really struggle. It feels like the lows are becoming much more acute and painful.

Do you think this is part of the healing process? It is crippling and just makes me feel so bad. It''s indescribable.

I know these moments will pass and I am getting better at accepting that. It''s just when they come they seem much worse than in recent weeks.

M.

You are doing brilliantly. I too have many more good days than bad. As you say the bad seems to be all consuming. I guess its because you think you are getting over things and then it feels like you are starting all over again.
I had my first meeting since September with my sols today. I thought I was going to be ok, but a sleepless night, feeling sick and an hour at some unspeakable cost, in which I sobbed like it was the first time all over again, so I now feel like im back to square one,with a banging headache to boot. Although Mr A. is at last listening to advice, better late than never.
Keep going, look for the positives. Where all somewhere along the same road, so always here to help each other pushing on in the right direction.

Thanks,

Today has just been really hard. No reason why, felt good yesterday and just emotionally collapsed today.

M.

Bloody hell Moona

I go out for a jam session come home and you have dropped fella.

Yes , it is par for course . Not nice at all . We know this .

You are a guitarist are you not , you love music . That my friend can help you . It helped me . Our wise one did cookery . It helped him . Our wise one volunteered . I did . It helps .

You will grieve . It''s loss my friend . The brain is still processing it all .

I tell you . You are going to be fine absolutely fine .

Thoughts my friend , master those emotions . I am not saying shut down .
I am saying do not think your going mad . Because you are not
You have suffered loss . It hurts . A lot . Your human you have feelings . You will recover .

So Moona , you have friends here that want the best for you . People who know how you feel .

Get those guitars out fella , I tell you those guitars can open so many doors for you . I jam . I meet bands . One is on a European tour now .
I have made so many musician friends my life is changing so much for the better .

Moona , this is your chance to build the life that you want . Ignore all the naysayers . The lot take no notice l Go be you and enjoy being you .
You are unique fella . Trust me . You are .
And you play Bass guitar . They are sought after around here .

Now , lick your wounds . Stand up and face it all . You got a great life ahead of you .

So go stand tall fella .

Keep posting . You will get there .

D

Declan,

I''m trying my man.....just back from a jam this evening myself which was great.

But, in the down time, in the moments when I am not being mindful, or being active, or being grateful for what I have, or being optimistic......it is excruciatingly sad.

Deep down I know that this will pass. I am strong enough, I know this. These are not just words, I know that I am inherently strong and will reshape my life.

But in the moments when I am down, when I suddenly think "is this actually my life, am I actually going through this?" - this is when it is unbearable.

In those times there is a part of me that believes I will feel that way forever. I know its not true but nevertheless the feeling is there.

M.

Hi there,

This process that we go through, indeed have to go through is hard and anyone having been through it knows the depths of raw pain that you are feeling. Our bodies are amazing, in that when we are initially dealt this tsunami it almost wraps itself around our very core and knowing that we have to deal with the pain it acts as a buffer and only allows so much pain in. It gives it to us a bit at a time. Of course it doesn''t feel like it''s a bit at the time and seems ludicrous to suggest this but when I think of my all encompassing, engulfed in pain and pure sadness days, hours, minutes and fleeting seconds I believe that to experience those incredibly overwhelming emotions in one hit would have quite literally killed me.

I totally understand the sadness that you are feeling and although I am much further than you in my journey and living a life that in many ways is better I know in my heart that there is another way for those who decide dumping someone and discarding them like they were an old coat is the only option. I think they go for this because to find your way back to a life that was once good seems impossible and that will make me sad always especially when you read the follow up stories of their life after us which turns out to be not so good after all.

I think understanding yourself is what finally allowed me to understand the sadness. Some people experience anger during this torrid process, I didn''t experience that so much. I was angry with myself and blamed myself for my failed marriage. The anger was misplaced and once I learned where to direct it, it quickly dispersed into mist. The sadness however, stays with me but it''s totally manageable now and the fact that I feel like I do tells me a lot about who I am and your sadness tells me a lot about who you are. I bet your sadness is not for yourself.

I love music but I had to block it from my life initially, way to painful for me, but now I''m getting back to being able to listen without drowning in pain. I love base guitar and my favourite player is Jaco Pastorius, who we were very sadly robbed of some years ago. He''s something else.

Moona, you will get through this but there is no quick fix here I''m afraid. You have to grieve this loss and that takes time. Look after yourself the best that you can, for now I wish you warmth.

LG xXx

Nice one LG .

Moona

See people know. You are not alone in this . . Come on fella . Massive man hug . Rock on brother .

Hey , consider doing guitar exams . I am , I got a RGT exam this Sunday .

Sense of achievement , I did a mock exam last week got a massive 91 marks .

Come on you can do this .


D