Lower lows

Thanks for your messages.

Today has been hellish. I have been at work surrounded by great people and on the surface I have been friendly and positive, laughing and joking. Inside I have been just dying. When I left work I just broke down in the car (me, not the car).

I know this will get easier but at the moment I just spend all day thinking about this. I will be fine but I can see how some people don''t manage to get through this.

I am in counselling again next week and looking forward to that.

I post on here not really knowing why or what I am trying to say but it seems to help. Then I get p**sed off thinking I should be able to cope without having to constantly read stuff on here.

Just a crap day I think.

M.

Hi Moona50,

You have to not be too hard on yourself, please! What you are experiencing is the path that many of us have endured. We are all just at different stages. It sounds to me like you are really feeling the ''grief of loss'', I know that this is hard to process whilst you are in the thick of it, but losing your loved one, regardless of circumstances, is a physical as well as a mental and emotional turmoil. You are in shock of the Tsunami you find yourself surrounded by, the debris of a broken marriage after years of investment.

I realised well into my own experiences that I was constantly playing catch up to my X husband, he had moved on in his head weeks, months even maybe years before he eventually got caught in his act of adultery and I know he still can not comprehend my physical reaction at the time to the demise of our marriage and family. He was light years ahead of me and still is, having never shown one ounce of regret or remorse for his actions. I understand all too well that during ''living'' hours the mask you are wearing, but give it time and I am not talking a few days or weeks, I am talking months and years for you to fully look back and see the progress you are and will have made. Time is the only thing that will allow you to look back with a different set of spectacles than the ones that you are being forced to wear now.

The tears are better out than in, it is part of the grieving process, it really is. Remember one to one counselling is a God send and nothing to be ashamed of, it is an outlet where nobody is there to be Judge or Jury, but somewhere you can talk openly about your feelings and a place to pigeon hole your thoughts. We are all human and we are emotional beings, even if you don''t normally wear your heart on your sleeve, talking to someone neutral can really help, it takes a strong person to reach out for support, there is help out there.

Moona50, following on from the advice of the others, Wiki is here to be used. I did not stumble upon it until 1 year down the line, I wish I had found it sooner. In time your ''need'' may lessen but if you are like me and so many other good people on here you will still find the need to pop in from time to time, always, to heed advice or take support or give back in return. Wiki was my saviour and I am not shy in saying that, I too was like an addict in the early days but like many it was my outlet and my encyclopaedia!

Stay strong and take care for now FoS x