Drugs Depression Separation

Glad to be of help. It''s so easy to feel totally alone. It also takes time to get a bit of perspective. I see my husband and my marriage very differently now from when I was living with him.

The frustration with someone you love having a substance use problem is very common, but sadly you your ex needs to take responsibility and go to detox / rehab / counselling. Blaming you is a not a promising sign. Setting firm limits like you did is the right thing to do - often people won''t address their problems until the consequences hit home, whether it''s through divorce, health or driving under the influence charges.
My ex didn''t have problems with alcohol but had periods of depression which he ultimately blamed me for. The irony was that after he left, I discovered and read a diary he kept from University days, full of perfectionistic self-loathing, unattainable goals and melancholic ruminations on mortality. I felt sorry for him, but over the years had suggested he might be depressed and recommended seeing his GP. His attitude was that I just needed to be nicer to him and he was way too proud and smart to waste his time seeing some stupid therapist! By the end of the marriage, he conveniently interpreted the joy of infatuation he felt with OW as a sign that I was the source of all unhappiness in his life. Knowing that the depression had a life of its own before we married was reassuring... I felt sorry for him that he was unable to ask for help, and expect that he never will.
Not sure what resources you have in the UK, but we have family supports like Al-Anon and Family Drug Support here. Groups like these might be able to help you with these questions too.

''too proud and too smart'' sounds like my husband, Vastra! This does not bode well and do realise I have to get on with my life. It does seem such a waste and part of me is still clinging to the idea that a therapist will be able to get through to him....

If you haven''t come across Prochaska and DiClemente''s "stages of change model" it''s worth googling. It''s applicable to many illnesses where lifestyle factors are paramount, such as addiction. It might help you to be at peace with the idea that there won''t be any quick fixes.