Drugs Depression Separation

I have been separated from my husband since xmas - I asked him to leave and he did. He has been suffering from depression for the past year and began drinking heavily in the summer. By xmas his behavior was too much around the children (we have 4). Since he left it turns out he has huge debts and been taking cocaine on top of drinking and anti-depressants. I feel awful for him as I did marry a good man; I think the depression triggered debt and drugs. I want to resolve things but at the moment he is blaming me for everything. Anyone else had a similar experience? Hate being in limbo not knowing which way the relationship will go as I still do love him....

Jules

Well done for reaching out and posting about your situation. I have not had a similar experience to yours but do understand it must be really difficult and painful for you.

Do you have support around you at the moment? I know you are concerned about him but this will be very tough on you I would imagine.

Others on here may have similar experiences that they can share with you.

Keep posting on here when things are getting too much.

All the best,

M.

Yes I do have friends for support but I have not told them about the drugs or the extent of the debt. My family do know. I understand that my husband was calling out for help but not getting it as he is an alpha male - works in the city and has a big salary - or did (currently signed off with depression and anxiety) and I am anxious he may well loose his job. All I want is a happy safe family for my 4 young children and the man that I married back; just hoping to hear others who may have a similar experience. I know it is odd that I want him back but I can see past the behavior; he doesn''t want me back as he is blaming me. I wonder if this will change? He is going to therapy. He has only seen the children twice since xmas but they don''t want to see him at the moment and I think it best as he is really not well. Hoping someone else on here has a similar experience....

Jules

All I can say is that I do not think it odd at all that you want him back.

Many of us on here have found ourselves wanting to save relationships. Some (like myself) are coming to terms with the fact that it is beyond saving and that this is now about acceptance.

You sound like you are more than willing to give him a chance but that he blames you for everything. It may be that his judgement is being clouded by the depression and drugs?

I''m sorry I am not more help but just sharing your story on here may help you deal with the situation, whatever the outcome.

Hopefully his therapy will provide some clarity for him in terms of how he really feels about the relationship.

All the best,

M.

thank you

Jules,

I feel for you. My ex became a very different man from the one I married. A combination of drink, depression and abuse of prescription drugs pretty much destroyed him. I tried everything; expensive psychiatrists, alternative therapies etc etc. In the end I just couldn''t do it any more. We had three children and I decided I had to put four lives ahead of one.

I remain deeply sad that a fundamentally lovely man was so changed. He lost me, his relationship with his children and the life we had planned. Sadly he never really recovered. He developed neurological problems and died a couple of years ago. Equally sadly he seemed to think all his problems were my fault and he put me through (a very expensive) hell during the divorce. He remained very bitter and we were never able to restore any kind of sensible relationship.

I think about him still and am still saddened by what happened. However I look at my children and know that even though there are signs of damage, the decision I made was the right one for all of us.

As for me, I am happier than I thought possible. I have travelled the world for work, taken a masters degree and am in a relationship that gives me great joy.

All I can advise is that you do the best for you and your children. Hopefully he will recover in time but if he doesn''t you will have protected them.

Hadenoughnow

This is so sad but thank you for sharing and good to hear you are happy now.