Drugs Depression Separation

Sorry to hear your sad situation, I know people do recover from depression and drug issues but they can cause considerable devastation along the way. I have experience with addictions which often involve depression but in my area the depression is the result of not the cause of the addictive behaviour so my opinion may not be relevant.
My main thought is that you should protect yourself and your children by starting the divorce process or officially separating to protect your financial position. Anything in your name will not then be lost to drugs and debt and should your husband recover there is nothing to stop you carrying on together where you left off if he doesn''t then you won''t have put your life on hold and can move on yourself. Sorry if that sounds harsh I cant seem to find a tactful way to put it, but please do look after yourself first your children need you more than your husband does, you can love him without being pulled down with him.

Thanks for that tip and have already separated and looking into finances now. Just feeling awful all the time and can''t believe this is happening.

Hi Jules

It''s very hard to accept what is happening. But you can do what you can to protect yourself and your children and doing something will give you a sense of control.

You cannot control your husband and are not responsible for him. You are responsible for yourself and your children.

You might find counselling for yourself helpful - I went to a local charity recommended by my GP where you just pay what you can afford. It was very helpful being able to talk confidentially about my feelings and clarifying my thoughts with someone who is paid to listen!

I can''t say if you will get your husband back. It''s true that men often find it hard to ask for support and help and so turn to drink or drugs or both to cope.

Keep posting, we are here for you.

As someone who has recently been divorced from a paranoid alcoholic I can only say keep yourself and the children safe and stand back from your husbands problems as much as you can. I love my ex; he is crucifying me legally because of his personal issues and blames me for everything that is wrong with his life. But the wrongs are in his head, and I cannot help him no matter how much I would like to. Ultimately the people we love have to take responsibility for their actions too - I blamed it on his drinking for so long, and that seeking a reason for his appalling behaviour only made the road longer.
think ahead,no matter how hard it is, and of your children. Keep yourself and them safe - if he is in denial your supporting him will only strengthen his delusions and make life harder for you. I wish I could make it easier, but had I stood back earlier it would not have been as hard as it is now. Good luck, you''re not alone and take comfort with friends and family but stand back from him for your own sake xx

Thanks Nell and Victoria these are good words of advice and I hope that my husband does start taking responsibility for his actions but for now this is not happening. I am scared to get legal as this will make him more angry and give him a real reason to blame me for things.... I still love him. I won''t accept the behavior and asked him to leave and he did but I do still love him and am just hoping he can turn himself around and come back more like the man I married in the first place.

Jules

I hope you are right. But I will say that in any marital breakdown, one partner tends to blame the other. I''m quite sure my ex and I have completely different views on why things went wrong. I realised after a while that my ex was never going to see my point of view, never had seen my point of view because he can''t. Much later, I realised he was never the man I thought he was when we married and I guess (can''t know) that I am not the person he thought I was.

I put off divorce - not because I hoped for reconciliation, but because I dreaded the legal stuff. But however much I put it off, I still had to get on with it.

Since our separation he''s had 2 other women and is seeming to live just for his own pleasure - but looking back, he always did. The things he did with our sons were all things I organised.

But that''s my story. Yours is still to be written. Just letting you know we are hear to listen to it.

Thanks Nell - really good to read this and this is giving me further insight.