Ex wife might want to play financial games?

Thank you for your response.

I am afraid that I disagree with your emotional 'bank' proposition, which is why it was not included in my comments.

I believe children are not a job/career. They are (should be) created by choice. This choice means that as women we must choose how to balance job/career and children. Or, sometimes choose which of these we want! Many millions of women with children, do balance working and children ... quite successfully, myself included....... And, this is why I totally disagree that any woman should expect to be retrospectively compensated in the event of a divorce!

Apologies if I seem 'cold and functional....' I operate in the world of harsh reality... Balancing career and children .... Which for me, is a wholly functional activity of every day daily living.

Finally, children are not a 'must have' item ... Whereas I believe, a job to earn and keep financial self respect, motivation, emotional fulfilment ( outside of children and husband) are indeed must have aspects!
I am glad that I have kept my earning capacity...which has helped recto move forward, given that I don't have anyone to be angry at.....

Seems we sit in opposite camps!

I am so drawn in and enjoying this...delighted to see your post this morning LLLL. However, I fear it may have been better as a bed time story. It just doesn't ring true.

I am not sure what reality you are living in but it is certainly not one with which anyone I know is familiar.

I would love to know how many children you have and their ages.

Just a few questions for you to consider...

1. Do you claim child benefit?
2. Do you claim child tax credits, working tax credit?
3. Did you have an inheritance from the very sad and unfortunate loss of your first partner or even life insurance?

I ask that you consider this last question in relation to GeeWhiz's situation. You seem to have forgotten that they both decided that his ex should not work. Now at that point it was a joint decision and the state provides the safety net for his ex in the form of the legal system enforcing maintenance etc. It is law. It is right and proper.

You and GeeWhiz seem to want to now move the goal posts with the benefit of hindsight...."oh this has all gone terribly wrong but I don't want to meet my obligations now....after all, women should work for self respect etc etc...I am not a meal ticket etc etc". That would be the same as the insurance company not paying up on death of a spouse. Moving the goal posts...ha ha...to think we are facing strike action and demonstrations by Unison soon the scale of which we have only seen twice in this Country's history over a similar issue....pensions and the Government moving the goal posts. Outrageous!

A further thought...what would you have thought of GeeWhiz's partner if she had saved £2,000 per month for 23 years and taken that with her? That is a lot of money. Dare I suggest that is what she should have done. But in all likelihood there was not the funds available because they were being spent on GeeWhiz's career progression and to maintain the social status.

Also on re-reading the posts I note that GeeWhiz has been languishing in the luxury of the family home for the last three years...evening bemoaning the fact that his ex is at last removing her belongings.

Perhaps you and GeeWhiz should get together! Whilst I feel it would create a monster of epic proportions at least you would both be singing from the same hymn sheet and could perhaps exist in your own blissful reality.

I am glad GeeWhiz that you have decided to talk to your ex. You will I am sure be surprised at her response and be able to move your own life forward without fear of her wanting more. Let me know!

God Bless

The law does not discriminate between the contribution of a home maker and the bread winner, they are both equal, there is also the status quo factor, if a man or woman was happy for the other not to work during the marriage it is a due consideration.

If a man was happy for his wife to bring up the kids for many years while he worked he cannot just change his mind because the marriage has failed.

It is of course more complicated and all factors need to be taken into consideration, maximising future income potential has it's part to play, but only if circumstances allow.

Once the big picture is considered age length of marriage work history number of children and ages income future income potential then the picture becomes much clearer.

The rest is just an interesting debate.