Hello Happe Here

I feel for you very much. I am in a not dissimilar situation - end of a long marriage, some of my family members for various reasons rallying to H's 'side', feeling very alone and unfairly treated. It is so hard and when someone you have spent such a huge part of your life with seems to become a diferent person and see you as the enemy. All I can say is that everyone has their own survival strategies for getting through situations. Casting you as the 'aggressor' and himself as the 'victim' is no doubt part of his way of alleviating any guilt and responsibility he feels for what has happened. And I've found that the more unreasonably my STBX behaves, the more it helps in some ways. Instead of regretting what is lost, I think, well, if he is capable of behaving like this, then he is not soemone I want to spend the rest of my life with anyway. At the end of the day, what matters is our own integrity. You know and your kids know that you have behaved as well as you possibly can in the circumstances. Let your SBTX, his new partner, friends and whoever else think what they will. It is your own self-belief and the respect of your kids that matter most. Just hang on to those and you'll be OK.

I'm now 9 months on; the horribleness between us continues via solicitors and courts (no longer any dirct communication), but the pain does get a bit easier to bear. Hopefully this site will help you see that you are not alone. Take care.

Hello Happe,

I'm a firm believer in what comes around goes around.

Hang in there, it will take time, but you do have the strength to do this, leaving the house was the biggest step and you did it!

It won't be easy but you will get to a happier place mentally and emotionally in the end.

Log any form of harassment with the police. Keep communication to a zero unless responding to messages regarding the children.

Good luck!

sorry not been about. Have got payg internet at home and have run out of credit and money so can only get online inbetween lessons if im not busy with planning, marking etc. Really just want to get moving with my new life now, applying for jobs, trying to get a social life sorted and keeping my kids sane. Daughter is sitting her gcses starting from this week so need to keep it calm at home. Had a text from hubby asking if he could come round to visit kids but after speaking to them decided it should happen away from house. Kids had to be persuaded by me to go anyway and insisted i went along. I lasted all of 3 minutes in his company before going back to the car, he spent 15minutes with them sitting on a wall outside a pub (without a drink offered) before bringing them back to me. Unfortunately he still believes i stole her money so ended up telling him to get lost and driving away. Why do i let him get to me? I know i didnt do it, my kids know i didnt and deep down i know he must believe that i wouldnt. What is he doing? keep going over in my head what he is doing now, concerning his choice of woman, his behaviour towards the kids and me and its like the last 22years of my life has been a lie. Every thing i thought was important to both of us obviously wasnt. sorry just having a down day.

Hi Happe

As others have said before you need to hang in there. As much as we want sometimes to just fast forward to a time where our life makes sense again, there are things we will need to get through. It is a rollercoaster and you will have bad days - but u know where u can come for support. Things will get better.

To me you seem you already have alot of things clear in your mind and that is keeping you focused. The practicalities and legal stuff of it all one day will come to an end.

Good luck and chin up!!

Claudette

Thanks Claudette, i suppose i am being a bit impatient wanting everything sorted already and expecting myself to be "over it" i only left 9 weeks ago after all. have to keep reminding myself of that. Just hurts how quickly he moved on to another woman. 22 years and he didnt wait even 22 days before she was in my bed.

Another weekend done and dusted. Managed to get out with a friend yesterday for a few hours while kids were at a gig. Have made plans to see her again next weekend so social life is beginning to look up. I dont actually miss him, which is a bit strange after 22 years, i mean youd even miss a headache after that long. I just feel a sort of calmness most of the time, sure things are not easy, im so skint im not sure how im going to feed us till pay day but not having to tread on eggshells is quite liberating really.