Living hell

Mick, this is how they behave, it is so common, and yes it feels as though they want to destroy you in the process. In my view, they have this so called new life that they want to lead (I call it a fantasy life) and its like tunnel vision, that is the only thing they can see, their new 'fantasy' life. That is all they want and whatever else maybe going on around is of no concern to them, they are too wrapped up in themselves.

She appears to have moved on with a vengeance, but this will not last. Moving on (apparently) so quickly will come to an end so quickly too. You on the other hand have kept calm and dealt with things as best you can, therefore taking small steps forward and growing in strength. You will eventually become a stronger person, whereas your wife is, unfortunately going to become the opposite, given time. She may look as if she is having a ball now, but that does wear off and reality will strike at some point.

I feel that my stbx is trying to make my life as hard as possible for me, whereas I have done nothing wrong, he had the affair and now lives with her. I think I am just in the way, and he also sees the responsibility of family life, bills, upkeep of house, gardening, children etc etc etc every time he sees me. He does not want that life anymore and the responsibility that it brings, so he gives me a hard time because of that.

I hope all my woffle makes some sort of sense, I am not always the best at expressing what I want to say, and seem to take the long way round! Anyway, you will make many friends on this site and we all want to help each other through these tough times, so please take heart in that, you will never be alone.

Hi

Have you dealt with the practical issues of protecting your money? As in does she have access to your bank accounts? If so, put your money elsewhere.

Council tax - have you changed this to single adult occupancy?

Working tax credits and child tax credits - have you contacted them to say there's a change in your circumstances?

Just I found dealing with the practical issues helped me so much.

Your boys are old enough to ask questions when they need to and to deal with truthful answers (without running down their mum). They're also old enough that if you need time out you can leave them for a while (my lot are getting older and even going to the shop for some milk on your own is quite nice!). Old enough too to have a good laugh out together too.

I'm sorry that you and your boys are going through this.

Best wishes

Mick,

I feel for you mate.

My wife and I went from looking to buying a bigger house on the Friday to her telling me she wanted it to end on the monday.

Only contact has been an occasional txt message/email. And then only after I had told her I had placed a notice of home rights on the title deeds of the house. She then worked out how to text properly as she obviously thought I was just going to sit back and let her take everything and do it her own way.

I knew it was officially over when she deleted me from facebook, blocked me and set her status to single.

Do the best for your kids mate - time heals, and trust me If it wasnt for the kind words of support and advice I have gotten from this site - I think I would have had a breakdown.

As it is - this weekend, I finally managed to get away from an empty house and stay with some friends and it has been totally theraputic.

Good Luck mate and keep posting.

Bob