Living hell

Concentrate on being consistent with your boys. Let them talk about it if they want to and encourage them to maintain contact with their mother. Don't grill them about it though.

Then look after yourself.

After a few more weeks the shock will wear off a bit and you will be able to think more rationally.

I wouldn't bother trying to make sense of what your wife has done. You need to decide what you want instead of waiting for her to make the next move.

Thanks Nell.

hi
sounds like you are going through a very hard time trying to deal with someone else's emotional breakdown.
my best advice to you would be to ignore her behaviour and do your best to be a dad to your kids, and a friend to yourself.
she is obviously whacked and is not being a reasonable partner or responsible parent. take steps to protect yourself by going after the child allowance, changing the locks on the house, removing her name on bank accounts, etc. if she does come back and you guys work things out, you have done nothing wrong except take care of yourself. as the only parent who is doing the right thing you need to be sure you are doing some self protecting.
as far as emotionally, i would contact the Mother in law for her support for the kids. if she cant do that then at least you know. stop worrying about conflict between her and her daughter or making one or both of them feel bad. worry about your kids.
they need their family and that would include their Grandma.
you need to have breaks to have a release of all your feeling. can you get out for a beer? a movie? walk with a friend?
hang in there,
Library Girl

Thank you all for the support.

Hi Mick, indeed you are going through a very difficult time, and not knowing is one of the worst things to deal with as you can't adapt to this horrible situation.

I agree with Nell, and try to focus on you and your boys, so very hard I know. Try to give things a little more time, if you feel you can contact your mother in law, then do so, but you are not aware of what your Wife is going through and what she may have said to your m-i-l, so, if you do contact her, try to go softly. You sound as though you are coping very well under the circumstances.

Is it possible to find a little time for yourself, with friends, or doing something for you - hobby maybe? You owe it to yourself if you can. Things will sort out eventually, they have a habit of doing so, one way or another, but its the waiting that is so difficult, and at the moment it is all you can do.

Keep posting, try blogging if you want to, or pop into chat for support. There is so much support on here, and wiki people are always here for each other.

best wishes.

Thanks Shadow.
A family party on friday evening allowed me to see my wife, first tme in about 5 weeks, but she made it quite clear from her attitude that she wanted nothing to do with me. She was dancing all night, got steaming and went on to a club latter untill 6am the following day, no sadness in her eye's. She positively reveled in showing off and did her best to upset me. She had also removed her wedding ring, but kept on the diamond ring I gave her xmas. The incredulous thing is, she seems bent on my destruction.

Mick - I really feel for you. It's very difficult to see someone you love undergo a total personality transformation overnight. As you have seen, it has happened to most of us.

I am 6 months in - I have no explanation as yet. I accept now that I never will and I am trying very hard to make this my 'closure' on the matter. You must greive for the woman that you married and the loss of her in your life - the woman you see before you now is not the same person. Do not spend hours analysing behaviour (I am a great one for this!), your own behaviour, thinking about 'what if' and 'if only...'. It's not going to happen. Take your own life into your own hands and move it on as best you can. Decide what it is you want to do now and stick with it. I would, personally, file for divorce - if she has anything left for you, this might be the push she needs to come to her senses. But don't count on it.

As for being hell bent on destroying you, yes, I know that feeling. My stbx has everything he could possibly want, need out of his new life. But he wants my life destroyed in the process. My life as I knew it has gone but he is not going to destroy my new life, whatever that may be, when I find it.

Pick your fights carefully - your children should come first in all of this and it is clear that you are now going to be their carer. Enjoy that challenge, be there for them. Let them help you too - it is fine for them to see you cry and understand that you are upset. You will find out who your friends are, that's for sure.

Everyone on wiki is helpful, friendly and more than happy to have you talk and talk and talk.....I do it all the time! There is not one person who has been in chat in the last few months who has not been suject to the full extent of my story - and every person who has heard it has had something useful to say, to help me put it into perspective and to help me try and find the courage to move on. Wiki people have broad shoulders, have all been there and want to help. You are not alone in this horrible experience. xxx