New to this!

Hi, First of all I am a bit scared, I have recently been looking on this site to make myself not feel so alone! My husband left 9 months ago. I have a 2 year old. We had issues, he told me one day out of the blue that he wasnt sure if he felt the same about me ( my son being 18 months old ) i put this down to a change in our lives, us being parents of a toddler that is very active who does not need much sleep! I panicked immeadiatley as we had always had a loving relationship always been besotted. He had always been an amazing husband father and very happy ( I thought ). He had always been sport mad and played on weekends which before our son arrived I would always go and watch and we would have real fun. Obviously becoming parents these things change. the sport became a real issue I would not go along as much and he started to play more so which led to real resentment. I have never been perfect I am an only child and always known what i want and probably been a bit selfish I totally admit that but at the same time loved him to death and it was always a bit of a joke but he always loved this about me. Things got really bad and him not spending enough time with us was a big thing.

we went to counselling which was a total waste of time he did not open up said all things that i wanted to hear although i said be honest have a session on your own, really say what you feel, this didnt happen and he basically said he was leaving in our last session. Always swore there was no-one else involved.

6 months after he left he was seen out by my friend with a women. I confronted him and he denied it! 3 weeks after this he was on my doorstep telling me she was moving in with him. APPARENTLY only after 3 weeks of dating!

Now we have issues of contact with our son, he expects that he continues to have him every other weekend and to stay over. I have agreed that he will still see his son but that he will not be staying there overnight in the near future. He has turned into a totally different person in the space of a few weeks all my fault that marriage went wrong everything my fault. He is so nasty to me and hateful I just cant bare it, it just guts me how can someone that loved you so much hate you and be so awful??!! He cannot understand that our son is so young and this needs to be a gradual change. Anyone experiance such awful behaviour? why does he act this way? treat me so badly? Sorry to go on....

Hallo and welcome to Wikivorce

Sorry you are going through such an upsetting time.

Unfaithful partners are often unkind to their spouses. I think it may be a way of making them feel less guilty.

My husband left me to live with someone else and told me it was because I was horrible and because the other woman threw herself at him and he couldn't help himself.

We had also gone through a rough patch when our children, now 17 and 14 were younger, as he just carried on football on Wednesdays, rugby at weekends etc as though nothing had happened!

I was stuck at home with two children, no adult company and all the house and garden to manage.

But 10 months later I am feeling much happier and more positive.

things will get better.

Hi there Daybyday! I am a "newie" also - just joined 5 mins ago... Bit odd, not my usual style, but thought it might be a good idea! Am off to the solicitors tomorrow to see whether it is a good idea to initiate the divorce now, or let him fry for a while. Whatever the timescale, I cannot see it ever going back.. sad, very sad, but very true.

How you doing ?

hi I am ok, it gets better but some days just feel like it just happened yesterday! Like a smack in the face all over again! So hard but my boy keeps me busy! I have been to a solicitor and am divorcing him on adultery which he has now admitted. Just no point in waiting for them to come back once he'd moved in with her it was clear to me it was definately over. So sad more so that he is so hateful when I have done nothing hurtful to him and that I am still the mother of his child... I know what you mean I had a couple glasses if wind before I joined this!

Sorry yippee good luck tmrw let us know how you get on bit daunting but it's the next step

Hi daybyday and yipee - welcome to both of you:)

It's a sad state of affairs that brings us to wikivorce but, having got here, you will find a very warm welcome with lots of support on offer.


As for contact issues daybyday, 2yrs is quite young for your child but it won't be cut and dried, I don't think. We have some legals here who will advise you - they will want to know about childcare history (who looked after the child before you separated / how many hrs (if any) you work / hrs ex works / who cares for the child during working hrs. etc.)

If you could post some of that info it would be useful.

Shezi

Hi, I have looked after him 24 7 since he was born. I am a childminder he is with me constantly always has been. Just started preschool this week. My ex works shifts. 8 days on six off but does overtime. He only wants him every other w/e but I don't think he should have to stay there overnight for at least a few months. He's still a baby.